A few days ago I heard an interesting radio debate. Following the news that footballer Mario Balotelli was caught out visiting a strip club, BBC Radio 5 Live held a late-night telephone discussion about the rights and wrongs of ‘gentlemen’s clubs’. A feminist speaker argued that such establishments unfairly degrade women. Opposing her, a female strip bar owner claimed strip joints were nothing of the sort – striptease performances were ‘natural’ and ‘harmless fun’.
Remarkably, morality never entered the debate and the arguments hinged on personal choice and the psychological wellbeing of the strippers. The strip club proprietor claimed all her workers were well-informed adult women who enjoyed showing off their bodies. Her antagonist gave anecdotes of women who had suffered serious psychological harm.
Neither party gave any evidence to support their claims – only personal experiences. And whilst very little scientific research has ever explored the issue, there is sufficient to peep in on the truth of a female stripper’s mental wellbeing…
Is stripping for a living bad for mental health?
Of the few relevant scientific studies to explore this voyeuristic trade, one of the best was conducted by Daniel Downs and Gloria Cowan of California State University. In their 2006 research they compared 40 exotic dancers with a similar number of young adult females who didn’t strip for a living. Using validated surveys, and interviewing both groups, they made some significant findings:
- Strippers had remarkably less satisfaction from their personal relationships and were more likely to think their romantic partnerships would fail
- There was no difference in self-esteem between strippers and non-strippers
- Strippers prized their physical appearance over and above their other qualities and abilities.
- If a stripper felt their body was not beautiful enough, their self-esteem would be affected.
- Strippers seemed to be slightly less satisfied with their body and were more likely to scrutinise their physical appearance. More often they would “be ashamed if people knew what I really weigh”.
Superficially, the evidence seems to support the strip club owner: strippers do not have any loss of self-esteem or overall sense of self-worth. They are (perhaps understandably) more preoccupied and concerned with their physical appearance. This research is however far from infallible. The strippers interviewed were generally older than the non-strippers, and 40 strippers is hardly a big sample to draw sweeping conclusions. And of course, there is nothing to actually prove that the stripper’s increased level of body shame is caused by their occupation.
It does of course seem logical that taking one’s clothes off for a living is sufficient a reason to skew a woman’s sense of self-worth toward her perceived physical attractiveness. Our feminist speaker would argue that women should never view their physical appearance as the measure of their importance.
Personally, I’m no advocate of the sex industry (of which stripping is officially a part of) and I don’t feel that women should objectify their bodies. This is, perhaps, more of a moral than a scientific decision. But if that means I ought to be called a feminist then I can live with that.
Thanks for reading – feel free to comment below…
Downs, D., James, S., & Cowan, G. (2006). Body Objectification, Self-Esteem, and Relationship Satisfaction: A Comparison of Exotic Dancers and College Women Sex Roles, 54 (11-12), 745-752 DOI: 10.1007/s11199-006-9042-y
138 responses to “The psychological cost of being a stripper”
This is an interesting subject. As for the study conducted, it seems highly subjective. The amount of women studied hardly seems like a relevant number, and also, there are really no details given about the women’s personal backgrounds. Are any of them educated? Why did they choose stripping? It’s my personal belief that in some cases, it may be a fast, easy way to make money, which may seem like a cheap thing to do to one’s self, however, aren’t those paying to see these women the ‘cheap ones’? I think it’s all a matter of opinion and circumstance. I’ve heard of women stripping to pay for grad school; does this still mean they’re “objectifying” themselves and in turn, having low self-esteem as a result?
This study seems too narrow, but touches on an interesting subject. I’d be interested to see this same topic used on a different group of women.
Thanks for your comment, You make some excellent points.
The study appears to be an attempt to quantify psychological differences between the female stripper population with other women. But given the small sample and number of confounders, it makes for an interesting point of discussion – and, as you rightly put, warrants follow-up before any real conclusions can be drawn.
The researchers went someway to consider the demographics of both groups – including sexuality, although none of the other features you mention were documented:
The ‘control’ group were female University students (when will psychology researchers stop relying on University students??). All were heterosexual, compared with only 16% from the exotic dancer sample. The students were younger (20.8yrs vs 22.3yrs); the largest proportion of students were hispanic, whilst the strippers were predominently European American.
Recalling the radio interview, the club owner said that most of her employees were indeed full time students trying to earn some extra money – to pay their way through College.
I would agree with you that the people who pay for their services are the ‘cheap’ ones. I’m sure there is many a man who wouldn’t agree with me though.
i dated a woman who began stripping for a place to live.Even though she lived with her parents,before she got her place.Watching a woman be exploited for dollars is not a pretty site.Alot of the women are smart to stop but don’t because they enjoy men lusting them.ALSO THE MONEY IS ADDICTIVE.Women who dance often get jealous when a co-worker makes money and they don’t.Very few dancers about thirty percent go to college or trade school.Many are very skilled in beauty and hair yet in enroll in trade school.Their fathers weren’t present all of the time or lack education.Most of their children have a behavior problem.Women who dance works five to six hour shifts to make 500-1500 a night.Not every night will a dancer make that money much.She has to pay the club a house fee depending on her time on arrival (50-60)dollars fri,sat,sun nite.majority disregard men as tricks and don’t like really what they have to do.Imagine slow grinding on a stranger.Who might have Hep C or goes beyond your control.A drug dealer can invest a thousand dollars in some lawn equipment and start a business.A DANCER pays the club to work and has to worry about making money.Many girls come to work with balances from previous nites and fines for b.s.! I RESPECT ALL WOMEN,BUT RESPECT IS EARNED NOT GIVEN.Add rent gas food and bills.most are to tired from work and use the day off to rest.
Thanks for the comment and the insight!
I’m sorry, you can’t be more wrong. Most strippers I know were either actively attending colleges or have actually completed their college educations.These same strippers were either unemployed or underemployed and only stripped as a means to an ends to make money until they got the job, car, house or savings they needed to live a better, more secure life. Yes, some strippers may turn to a drug addicted life of crime, but most do not and have never been part of such a life style. All strippers aren’t victims of low self esteems or somehow victims of being “fatherless” little girls. The truth is, most strippers are just damned good business women who know how to use their looks to secure a better financial future for themselves….without actually having to prostitute. It may not be the most wholesome job, but stripping temporarily is a hell of a lot better than turning to prostitution, or some other form of crime, to pay the bills.
You are delusional. I have dated many of them and what you state is the far side of the bell curve.. Almost all do not have college degrees and have a childhood that is troubled. You are crazy like the rest of them.
I am 35, danced for ten years,been out of the game for seven years now developed borderline personality. I am however good at business. I took many years of Psych classes trying to figure myself out. I’ll never be without mental issues, that I’ve accepted. I have a loving family and grew up with a decent childhood. Never did I imagine that the industry would affect me the way it did. It will hit you years later when you least expect it.
Whats uppp? I saw your post about strippers….I’ve been on a roller coaster ride for a month now. It’s over, thankfully said. Lies, rumors, she was a total closed book. There were many times I shoulda said f**k you and left, until I did. “If I tell you something will you get mad?” Uhhhhh…yeah? “I’ve been stripping for two weeks”. Goodbye, click. History in jail, nothing crazy or I would have not even got on the ride. She f**ks a cop on the regular. Tells me, lol me….the retired master of mind games that she dances once a week, only makes $30 (lol she loves attention?). At this ponint its humor. Then she says its two days, yeah I’m off Friday, dude, I acted like I was heading there cause some friends were there (she doesn’t know them), so I said im gunna stop by. I never ever have, than she calls me instantly….working, of ourse. In one guys car….yet to be explained, but it’s explained without saying. I’m 32 and she’s 41, she def has stripper features…we don’t talk, used to everyday. Haven’t in 4 days, we were very sexual, did everything. Then this……just mixed emotions. Now? I’m just p****d..
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Thanks for sticking up for strippers Jamie, but I need to add that it puzzles me why a stripper has to justify her station in life with pursuing a college degree, or some other noble cause in order to be acceptable? Maybe she likes her work and is good at it, just the way that a lifetime waitress or bartender is. I think so many miss the point… all people have different job ethics and can’t be lumped together or generalized. Whether they are broken victims or collegiate types, or simply underachievers is irrelevant.. every walk of life has people who are more professional or have more integrity, or lazy or any range of the spectrum of possibility. Strippers and other variations of sex worker are like anyone else, except they are the last frontier of marginalized people aside from street people and criminals who also have their unique circumstances..change needs to come, this is supposed to be a progressive society we live in.
A Look from a different perspective I will give u.The mother of my 2 children is a stripper has been for well over 6plus years I have been in strip clubs from Florida to NY NC to California she makes bank a bad night is around 850.00 but she has drug issues,a roxie addiction of about 150ml day she’s been on meth.coke heroin molly you name it everyday thing it suxxxx.On to the real issue I hate to say this but 96%of these girls are full of sh*t ,they are druggie,prostitutes who f**k suckered or exploit them selves n one shape or form including her…I am not gonna say it haven’t had fun along the way hell I’ve been with two to four girls more times than I can even begin to recal and never once a dude.I can say one girl stands out in my mind that was there just to dance no vips no lap rubbin just stage and she was sober as a preacher in church and had never done sh*t or even wanted to (convensing)Never have I met one like her.so in my travels in can honestly say there are sum who door as u say but u got a better chance at winning the f**king power ball
Maybe learn how to spell if you want to be taken seriously
Any excuse is still just that…..
Marc, while all women have different MO’s for their reasons for sticking to it, I appreciate your input about some women sincerely making an effort by simply working hard. I had worked many double shifts and had a steadfast rule of NEVER dating anyone I met in there and ceasing to date anyone who attended. Of course even this rule didn’t serve me well when a man I dated, who didn’t know where I worked, brought in his entire basketball team. They all clapped him on the back as I danced, telling him what a cool guy he was…. Of course I’m sure he enjoyed soaking up the attention, but I ceased dating him. Quite frankly as odd as it sounds, I didn’t respect men who spent their money like that. Isn’t that funny?
This is so freaking condescending! I hope she dumped you when she realized how narrow minded you are.
Thirty percent of strippers in school at any given time is not “very few”. It’s on par with the national average, for all adults. That’s just poor writing on your part.
Explain to me how a drug dealer can drop 1k on equip,ent to start a legitimate business, and yet a stripper cannot? That’s absolutely retarded, and clearly based not in logic but in the stereotype that sex workers are oppressed victims. (In reality, far more drug dealers are stuck in poverty.) The house fee is not a big deal at all if you have sales skills, and serves to weed out would-be strippers who can’t hustle (the job isn’t for everyone)
Hep C and other STD’s/STI’s are pretty hard to get if you’re not having sex in the club. Even in nude clubs you have much more of a risk of catching the common cold, or the flu. The worst thing a clean stripper could come down with is BV or a yeastie, and that can be avoided with frequent hand washing & etc.
The daddy issues thing, oy. Again, just not true. Now there certainly are plenty of strippers with absent fathers and other issues, that stereotype does exist for a reason. But absolutely not all or even most! Sheesh. I’ve been a stripper for years and have a healthy relationship with my parents, they know what I do and help me with investing and budgeting all the ca$h I bring home, as well as tax stuff (Dad is a retired accountant who actually used to work with independent contractors, funny how that stuff works out). I’ve known a few strippers who were supporting elderly parents as well.
So what if strippers are tired on their day off? Being in my 20s I know plenty of people who work in bars, nightclubs, restaurants, etc. Most of them are tired on their days off and service industry jobs tend to make people not want to go out to bars on their nights off. No big deal.
One thing you are right about-hell yes the money is addictive! I have a degree and several other professional licenses, but every time I go and get a straight job, I ended up back in the club after a couple months. I love the money and freedom! 😀
I’m sorry, you can’t be more wrong. Most strippers I know were either actively attending colleges or have actually completed their college educations.These same strippers were either unemployed or underemployed and only stripped as a means to an ends to make money until they got the job, car, house or savings they needed to live a better, more secure life. Yes, some strippers may turn to a drug addicted life of crime, but most do not and have never been part of such a life style. All strippers aren’t victims of low self esteems or somehow victims of being “fatherless” little girls. The truth is, most strippers are just damned good business women who know how to use their looks to secure a better financial future for themselves….without actually having to prostitute. It may not be the most wholesome job, but stripping temporarily is a hell of a lot better than turning to prostitution, or some other form of crime, to pay the bills.
$500-$1500 a night? Where is THAT?!? I make 200-500 a night. At $750 I’m squealing in delight! And I’ve NEVER made more than $1200, period. Most girls only work 3 shifts a week. House fees can be anything from free to $150. Each club is different, each.city is different. Also, my father was a college professor, not a drunken abusive idiot like customers assume.
I found that stripping helped me blossom. I was so painfully shy in college I literally couldn’t go to class or even to eat because I was too afraid. No longer! I would recommend stripping to every woman in order to.become more comfortable with themselves, their bodies, and their sexuality.
Exactly. $500-$1500 is a lie. $200-$500, yeah, if you’re a worker. Lisa’s correct.
Do you understand that its humiliating for a guy to have a stripper girlfriend or even worse a wife?
Dont date her if u are that insecure. If u accepted it initially then its kinda up to work thru your insecurities and not put pressure on her to quit unless u are going to/able to support her fully.
Pfff, lol, speak for yourself dude. I’ve known and still know many women in that industry and they’re mostly happy, and the guys they’re with – even married to – are just fine with it. I was too.
I’ve seen 10000Plus on a table after a night….u girls got a get with the program…..PGA golfer Myrtle Beach SC (no tricks )
I’m a dancer and you’ve got it spot on. I have been dancing for over a year at well known gentleman’s club in Las Vegas. It’s very hard. I find the original posting to be very “off.” I know hundreds of dancers and I’m around, double teamed, watch, and hear rants about even more than the girls that I actually know. Eventually the majority get depressed if they’re not already, out of touch with reality, and go through so many ups and downs that eventually a lot turn either hostile, numb to emotion, quit, or turn to drugs to make up for it. And not all do a lot of drugs. Doing cocaine once a week and smoking weed 4 days a week would be consider”not a druggie” in this industry. Just sharing my experience and point of view. If I didn’t have 2 kids to take care of and parents that helped, I wouldn’t be doing this.
good job on making generalizations and trying to state stereotypes as fact.
the drug free dancer who doesn’t get jealous, has a great relationship with her father and is currently applying to doctorate programs.
Sorry, but I know (and have dated) more than one woman in the industry and most of what you claim isn’t the case at all for them. In fact, the house tip/fee is about the only thing that generally rings true.
This is not all nearly true. I’m going to obtain my Doctorate of Psychology, and have years of insight into the exotic dancer mind- being a dancer myself.
There is in fact a common sociopathic relevance to the state of mind in that of a stripper!! I’m not a doctor but I am married to a exotic dancer, we have been to gather going on 7 years in witch the last 3 she has danced, and believe that to a large amount of self esteem can be built from this type of job but on the flipside of it it has a major impact to a women in this line of work in the ability to not let it impact her personal,life, let me say this short loud n clearer for all to hear! In the event I was a stripper n took my cloths off to a bunch of self indulgent cheating f**ks, I would believe in my heart that my husband was the same way I viewed the johns, to shed lite on common sense and anatomy of repeated abuse to the brain over time this will impact her ability to maintain a healthy and prospering marriage or any type of intimate relation ship!! This job is not only against the moral standard of life and as well as psychologically harmful to my wife and I!! I love my wife n I meant till death do us part not some bull sh*t job that she now believes Thais that of a John even when I don’t provide any indulgence to it I go to work,I come home to our two children n I spend my time waiting and or a lying to god she is all right, she is armed for that reason, but what hurts the most is what it’s taking from me and our children! My best friend, lover and the mother she was, I have remained sexually loyal to my wife, but because that place sucked her ass in, it is sphycollogicaly depriving my wife of true happiness n not a beneficial example to our rapidly growing little girls, n doing what I can to shelter them from the truth of that job n trauma it has caused, ware there once was trust in me is now gone n didn’t do a damn thing to deserve it but be born as a man as God intended me to be!! Not a John!! Justify all u want place liability ware u want but truth is it does sphycologicly harm n deprive women n may all who support it burn in hell, don’t take no doctor to figure that out! It is a traumatic event to endure such things on both parents end, n know I didn’t allow her to do it I was against it from the star, I agreed for a short period of time against my wishes n went with her decision to do it n there reasons that I let support the action was the f as crazy her mom passed unexpectedly n I wanted more than anything to see her come back to life and gain some self confidence back that the passing of her mother took from her! And to the beautiful loved women that left us to be in heaven I promised to u I’ll get her back n we will win this as I know it helping keep me strong rest in peace love u!!! N to my wife u lay next to me at this very moment unaware of how much I hurt seeing u sleep ant take the night off is a big relief I’m my heart n soul but unable to give up on u, n to those with no moral get a life not to mention a soul!! good night.
I’m sorry you have such a raw deal Buck, but not all strippers in relationships are the same… it sounds to me like you both have issues and insecurities to work on.
There might be a bit of projection going on here. The feminist might imagine that she would feel degraded if she stripped. (That’s possibly why she’s a feminist, not a stripper.) For the practising stripper any such feelings are probably long gone if they even had them in the first place. People generally find anything they do that brings a bit celebrity ends up feeling like a good thing – including stripping, and also feminism.
FWIW I’ve known a couple of women who worked in the sexual entertainment industry and can report that in this case at least they were definitely not deficient in the self-esteem department. They weren’t anyone’s victims, contrary to a stereotype I think I might have had.
For an alternative and interesting take on this issue see Catherine Hakim’s Honey Money: The Power of Erotic Capital. Yep, erotic capital. If you can’t read the book, try a review:
I agree with the above comments. As matters stand at present women are be caught in a double standard where being proud of their naked body is wrong but also it is wrong to dress without regard to sexual attractiveness ( this being viewed as frumpy or scruffy or even as a sign of eccentricity).
Women who strip their way through college are taking a pragmatic approach to the imbalance of power that still pertains in society. Sexual attractiveness is a form of power and I think there is still a lot of disapproval of women who take on any form of power.
I made a small study of this subject for my degree and I remember that there is other research that shows that the self esteem of the participants correlated to how well the clubs were run. ( I suggest that would apply to any form of work a person might undertake) What I think is degrading to women is having to work in dead end badly paid jobs and do a shed load of house work when they get home.
There’s no “power” in it. Dancers get treated like a combo of whore+servant in the clubs. I’ve been in it for 30 yrs. “Power” to what-to a stripper it’s the power to bear thru the humiliation of having to scoop up $1 bills that are balled up and thrown at them while nude under a light in high heels amidst a roomful of strangers. I only remember one girl in college and she was not smarter than a fifth grader. Most of the dancers are on welfare, most don’t have a car.
Thanks for commenting and contributing – I accidentally tapped the down rating (but have tapped the up to equalise it)!
Thank-you Ruth, this is my perspective as well. It’s like any job.. one needs to be suited to the work, and be treated fairly by the people they work with.
Considering how overweight most women are, the vigilance strippers have on there appearance is badly needed in women in general, especially hairy feminist. The reason women do this work is for money plain and simple. They make as much or more than a doctor or lawyer who have to spend a fortune on school and spend years of hard study. For a person with nothing special to offer strippers are way overpaid in my option. I can agree they have no shortage in the self-esteem department rather the opposite is true. They are not victims. The real victims are the working class guys that get exploited and degraded.
Feminist dont like stripping or prostitution, feminist rightly fear the completion from other women. They want to keep men starved for sex and affection so they can drastically overcharge for what niggling amounts they offer.
You should consider revamping your vocabulary and language skills before giving an opinion like this, because you appear as ignorant as the words you use.
Some feminists actually support stripping because they view it as liberation for women, where women can defy society’s traditional expectations of a woman and gender roles. I think it is ignorant of you to generalize that way and lump all feminists together. Feminists don’t all share the same opinion as far as what makes a woman oppressed, and they don’t all work towards achieving the same goals. Also, I certainly do not think exotic dancers are overpaid. The job can be difficult and the women have to deal with a lot of negativity… if the job didn’t pay well, nobody would do it. Also, if you’re a man that’s starved for sex and affection maybe you should get a girlfriend. I don’t know why you have this sense of entitlement. Why do you think these women who don’t even know you should have to entertain you if you aren’t paying for it? The customers aren’t exploited and degraded… nobody forced those guys to walk into the club and spend money.
I completely agree with you! I don’t understand why some “feminists” have an issue with the adult entertainment business. Women are DIFFERENT from men… and that doesn’t necessarily mean that we are not their equal. I feel like it’s less empowering to a woman to deny the power of our sexuality; and it also adds shame to it. I don’t think we should shame one another for using our sexuality for gain.
Thank-you Feminist, I’m an exotic dancer of 22 years experience, I agree with everything you’ve said. The main challenge I’ve had over the years is having trouble getting other jobs or opportunities because of the stigma and insecurities of ‘squares’. I’ve quit apologizing for it, I’m proud of who I’ve become. Many of us dancers have developed themselves in different areas of their lives and should be considered as valuble assets in the business world, as dancers have lots of experience in human relations, and negotiation. I have a males friend who spent time in different strip clubs and concluded after getting to know me, that “Strippers are like regular women, just a little braver”
lol @ the picture that says “gorgeous librarians”. Hey I’m a stripper and I don’t have any of those issues and I’m very educated and happy with my life!
Hi Jet, thanks for your comment!
Out of interest, from your experience, is the stereotype of ‘student needing extra cash’ true?
I was in tears reading your comment because everything you spout out is the gods honest truth. I have buried my past so far and really thought I could handle it but 6 yrs later I have forced to reconcile with it and deal with it. I finally feel that I’m moving in a positive direction, 16 years after joining the game. It’s just not worth it there is nothing fast money about it. You hammered every nail on this one. Thanks for your comment. Glad I know I’m not alone.
I’m sorry to hear you had a negative experience ONSTAGENEXT, Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if the circumstances were different and the people put the clubs you worked at had a better morale and value for the girls who worked there.
In regards to all the comments proclaiming cause (for choosing to strip), prevalence of psychological damage as a consequence, or any other generalized idea about stripping, you should be aware that opinion and personal experiences cannot be used as logical premises to any kind of intellectual argument. Just like any other empirical study about human behavior in the field of psychology, a Biopsychosocial approach is needed (by mental health professionals) to analyze any assumptions or correlations between factors to support any significance of statistical averages or causal inferences. This means that a substantial sample is needed, and within that sample, factors such as genetic predisposition for mental illness or certain personality traits (Bio), psychological well-being, and socioeconomic status/environmental influences (Social) need to be thoroughly examined. Cultural diversity, as well as the social differences observed between the four quadrants of the U.S. are other important things to consider when making critical judgments about any situation. Arguments and opinions are needed, it’s where all good research comes from. But, unless you can base your “theories” or “facts” on unbiased, statistically significant research, that can be generalized to a bigger population, you don’t have a valid argument. With this being said, there is definitely a dire need for more studies on the acute or chronic negative/positive effects of stripping on the participating individual’s mental health, their proximal relationships, and the longitudinal consequences (if there are any).
Now, to answer your question of the stereotype of “student needing extra cash” being true? Again, refer to the above comment. But, if you want an opinion based on personal experience and observation, then yes, it’s true. With rising costs of living, and rising tuition fees, I myself have chosen to dance my way through college because I am able to attend more classes and complete an adequate amount of studying that is demanded of my course load, WHILE also raising my 3 year old son (BY MYSELF, and without child support or ANY support from my son’s father), and guess what? I’m not on public assistance (I do not pass judgment on anyone that is). I’ve done research papers on the world of stripping, which has also gained me notoriety and accolades from my professors and the university I attend. I adamantly believe some people need to practice keeping an open mind, or at least try to understand that no two people have congruent perspectives on situations or subjective moral codes, which is understandably related to life experiences. Majority of the women I work with are also degree-seeking, or college graduates trying to pay off student loans, as well as single mothers who are actively and positively involved in their children’s lives. I can’t generalize to the whole exotic-dancing population of course, I can only reference the small sample I am a member of.
I hope that what I have said will influence some to understand the complexity of this issue, and to take into consideration the numerous factors involved before making such critical statements.
what i find so hilarious about the whole ordeal, is that it was a choice, although sometimes it isnt thought through, but it was still a choice given to the women who do it. it might be apart of the sex industry, but still no one has held a gun to any of these young ladies heads and said they have to do it. Moral’s? who now a days, in today’s society have morals? they went out the window with 60’s, 70’s and 80’s….. really these girls made that choice and there is nothing wrong with dancing…. as long as the managers of each and every club treat the girls proper…. people make choices in life….
I entered this site on a whim..a conversation came up about the money to be had off of owning a strip club. I looked at the person in the face and had a few objections. The truth is, while no one is putting a gun next to the woman’s head, the mere pressure of needing some quick money will make anyone do anything if they were put in the right enough tight situation who do not have the means to find a job quickly.
I don’t think any woman who goes into it ever comes out of it the same. I should know, I know a few of these ladies. Its not a very rewarding “career” and it only lasts but so long. It runs and wears out women emotionally. I have some moral issues that also border on my opinions but just the same, the fact that the strippers can’t just go around saying freely, hey I dance at nights for a living says it all. Plus let’s get real here, many of those places aren’t polished cheerful spots that help a woman out emotionally. Its just a dump supported in the end by the very people who have you believe the women were well informed of what would happen to them…which are the owners and the leery horny men who just spend their money in all the wrong places.
Thanks for sharing and adding to the discussion 🙂
I’ve dated 4 girls who after the break-up went on to become go go dancers. They were all attractive girls from bad homes who didn’t exactly have a moral compass. If you want one, never tell them they look good, they will keep trying to get your attention by any means possible. Attention is what keeps them going and it gets real old, fast. Also, never date people like this unless you’re just looking for a hot piece of ass and not someone to raise your kids.
Wow, you are the kind of guy I would quickly walk away from at any club. Maybe you never heard the quote “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.”
wow you clearly know nothing about the sex industry and women in this industry, that to me just sounds like a narrow minded stereotypical view of dancers.
Hello Dr. Stu,
I had to comment, even though I know I’m a little late to the game. After moving to LA recently, I needed money for myself and my boyfriend until I could get a real job. I am determined to make this work! I had never stripped before, and did 4 and only 4 shifts at a nude club before I quit last night. I’d like to share with you my experience.
Stripping itself isn’t terrible. I’m looking forward to becoming a more classically trained dancer and doing burlesque in a tasteful way. What is terrible, however, is the fact that most strippers have some serious emotional baggage and are put in situations that put them at risk for even more emotional damage, and most strip clubs make money off people who are continuously hurting themselves in some way. Period. When I was in the dressing room, I would listen to these girls stories, and they just don’t feel good about themselves. One girl said she used to hate being a stripper, and she used to say she would always get out, but now she says she’ll never have a “real job”. It’s really sad because when they dance, there is no life or enjoyment in their faces, even if they are very talented on the pole. I think what does them in is not listening to their intuition. I was only there for 4 days, but I think the reason I came out unscathed is because I set very strict physical boundaries with myself and customers. When for the first time in my life a man groped me and asked me to put my hand on his dick, I knew that I while I refused, he had gotten that service by someone else at one point. I knew I was quitting the next day right then and there. And these dancers are pressured to COMPETE for the attention of these low lives. One of my most interesting customers was a reserved Asian diplomat who refused to do anything with any other dancer because he swore he could tell they were emotionally and physically bruised. It helped me end my four-night nude dancing career on a high note with my dignity and self-respect intact. I still made enough to help us get by for awhile. But I feel so much empathy now for the girls who work in this industry. I didn’t like many aspects of what I knew I was going to have to go through after having a taste, so I walked out. I’ll take the nonstop collection calls any day. But many dancers feel the exact same, and don’t quit. They are working so hard for so little respect, money (yes, money: after the house gets a cut its insane how little you can go home with), and balance in life, sometimes for YEARS. It’s a draining job in every way.
This stint has completely changed my attitude about people in general. When I knew I was quitting and gave away body spray to another dancer, I cannot tell you how it felt to see the look on someone’s face who had experienced unconditional generosity for the first time. She could not understand how I just gave it away, nor could she understand how I gave her another $14 the next night when she was walking out of the club with $3. She is currently living in a hotel with a child, has a DUI in Florida that she is trying to retain an attorney on, and rents a car. My BF is an attorney, and I am trying to hook her up with some pro-bono work through some of his contacts. I want to use my experience to help girls like that; part of me thinks it was almost destiny to work there. It’s so clear to me that many of these dancers were not conditioned to respect themselves at a young age, and while I do believe there are the rare few who see what they do as a positive thing and are not negatively affected by what goes on at work, strip clubs are just not a healthy environment IN ANY WAY.
I am looking forward to working at a decent job for significantly less money, and will only do ever do nude again in fine arts photography because my body feels honored and as an artist, I love that I’m part of something creative. I’m looking forward to the performance aspect of burlesque, where people will actually be there for the performance element. I’ll never forget some of the stories and things I saw and experienced, but having walked a mile in these girls’ shoes, I have serious respect for the intense life experiences of others in whatever form they have shown themselves to me, from deciding on an abortion to having a child killed in a hit-and-run. I am a less judgmental person. I have emerged from this experience a more empathetic and grateful person determined to be happy and successful, while still listening to that inner voice, and I hope I can teach some of these girls to do the same.
It certainly does change your outlook on life being a dancer. Personally, I have sworn never to be or work at any club that has all nude, and I’m sure I would not make it even four days if I tried. The world should be more thankful for people like you who choose to take the high road and help your fellow human beings instead of judging them for what they are doing.
there are just so many things wrong with your post.
My step-daughter is an ex-stripper. I will call her “michelle”. Michelle goes to great efforts to judge others and act purer than thou, despite her infamous past. Her excess baggage has caused her to become antognistic towards aspects of life she has not experienced nor cultivated nor can competently understand. Her venom is scary. She has three children. One, who is an intellectual prodigy, married young to escapte Michelle’s dominate control. Her next child, is gay, and she therefore poses no threat to his happiness in life. Her third child is autistic and pays the price for her indescretions. She has lied to her kids and they will sooner or later find out who she really is. She didn’t become a stripper for a financial need, her father was a pilot and her mother an airline stewardess. Had Michelle asked, either parent would have helped her financially. Michelle got off on perverted audience fawnings. Michelle is one confused and unsatisfied sexual animal. Never completes any academic program, never completes any trade school program, and never qualifies for a permanent job, not even at Wal-Mart. Needless to say, she has not paid any of her many student loans. It makes me happy to know that their is a lien on her home for the money my taxes were spent to help her. To her kids, run, run as fast as you can, don’t let your mother michelle, make sure you can’t.
Wow, with support from a stepmother, such as yourself, I can see why “Michelle” may feel a bit confused. This particular comment, among others,
“It makes me happy to know that their is a lien on her home” shows your inability as a parent to cope, when you voluntarily accepted her with wedding vows. There seems to be some indpendent searching needed on your part–you may want to consider getting some mental assistance.
she may be confused and unsatisfied have you ever approached her with compassionand love rather then judgement ? and asked her why?
Nope. Don’t feel as if she deserves “compassioned love” when she has none for her step-daughter. That’s what being a mother is all about, love. I am not her mother and do not owe her that, however, she does owe it to her step-daughter.
Ouch, your opinions of her is probably not helping her get her life right.
I think your causing more damage to this women by saying these things. Of coarse this individual can’t accomplish anything because nobody believes in her.
Well, after reading all of these comments, I feel as though I must add my own. I am currently 25-years-old and finishing my third year of college with a major in psychology and criminology and a minor in abnormal psychology. I am also a dancer. I can’t say that I dance for the “extra” money, but more for just the money in general. I worked as a salaried manager at two different retail stores from the time I was 19 until I was 24 and, as a dancer, I make more money in three nights of work than I did on an 80 hour paycheck. It is well known that there is a certain stigma that follows women in my industry, and sadly it has been exacerbated by several of these comments. However, as any good psychology student or graduate knows, no two people are exactly alike, just as no two dancers are either. I actually take great pride in my work. I also appreciate the opportunities I am given to meet and converse with people I would otherwise probably not be given the chance to. Yes, there are plenty of jerks in the world, but trust me, there are just as many people who talked down to me and treated me like dirt in the retail world as there are in the club. The difference is, in retail I had to stand and take it and agree with the customer that I was obviously an idiot and that the world would be better off if a robot were doing my job. In the club, I will happily let you and those around you know about how much of a jerk-off you are being, right before I smile and walk away. Being a dancer is only a job, I have had hundreds of customers ask if I have ever felt any kind of attraction for any man I have ever performed for and the answer is simple, no. This is an occupation, outside of my job I live a normal life, I am happily engaged to my best friend who has absolutely no qualms about what I do because he knows that I carry myself with class. When I started dancing I made a vow to myself that I would never, ever put myself in a situation or perform any action that would ever jeopardize my own personal morals and values and since starting, I never have. I hold myself to my own standards, not those of anyone else. There is nothing you can say to me, no name you can call me, that will make me lower myself to a position of acting as a prostitute. I do have high self-esteem for both my moral standards and my physical appearance, but I do not obsess over my looks anymore than the average woman who goes to the gym to stay in shape. I would maintain my appearance as is even if I did not dance. As for the person who mentioned “daddy issues” granted my parents divorced when I was 13, I actually grew up living with my dad. As an only child, he was my rock and to this day I know that I can go to my dad with anything and he will never be mad or disown me or whatever these foolish people seem to believe. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that I seem to paint the picture of being a happy-go-lucky, easy life girl turned stripper. My life has been far from easy, my mom has been dealing with prescription drug addiction since I was 10 (the kind of addiction that left her incoherent, nearly unconscious on a daily basis), I wasted a few good years in a physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive relationship, and had my fair share of hard times, but none of these thing play any factor into me becoming a dancer. Although, a small part of me hopes to run into my ex at the club just because I know it would infuriate him. Overall, by being a dancer, I am empowered beyond that of the average woman. I play a fantasy and give what we call “the girlfriend experience”. Think of it like a first date, only the girl is fascinated in everything you talk about, hangs on every word, laughs at all your jokes, and is beautiful as well. As for hiding the relationship, I actually let men know that I do not approve of them lying to their wives or girlfriends about where they are, I have, more or less, counseled men on being open and honest with their s/o because without trust, a true relationship is not possible. So, now that you have read my story, I hope that some of the “stripper stereotype” can be dispelled and as a colleague in the field of psychology, I would love to hear your input on my outlook of only being as strong as you choose to be.
Seems like you have gone out of your way to try and prove how okay you are with stripping….which makes me think in truth, you are not okay with it at all.
I’m glad to know you’re empowered! I’m looking forward to dancing again soon, and will definitely take some pages from your book. Nude is a totally different world, so it’s nice to know that you’ve had some good experiences on the non-nude side of things. One thing I don’t think anyone can dispute is the money that dancing can get you, when used wisely, can be a gateway to create the life you want for yourself when it just isn’t possible to stack cash like that in any other time frame, short of doing something like “Breaking Bad”. I’ll be doing cartwheels when I pay off my debt, and thanks to my new pole skills, I will hopefully have a rockin’ dancers body long after my exotic nights are over : )
How long have you been a stripper?
Having been a past participant of the trade with an interest in writing, I took it upon myself to interview women who did the same. Realizing this article comments on the mental anguish and degrading surroundings promoted to women by places such as this, I would like to agree, yet cannot. What I discovered during my interviews is that literally through all of my interviewing (33 women) only one of them had not endured physical or sexual abuse from an adult as a child. This means the mindset of the dancer was created long before they figured out how to use that to their advantage. If you’re going to be lusted after as a sex object, you might as well be paid for it.
Typically speaking women working this type of job has a hardened outer casing that is nearly impossible to crack after years of ongoing abuse. When a heckler makes a rude comment, the woman won’t run crying from the stage defeated, but will probably throw some crudeness back at him. Personally, I became impervious to crying, but great at listening and soaking in the stories of others’ miserable lives in an effort to make my own more tolerable.
These findings were my own personal ones, so I’m sure others will have arguing points defying what I’ve said, but I stand behind these comments wholeheartedly. Since I’ve “grown-up,” I remember one of my friends was actually working towards a goal. She was paying her way through college with the money because she knew it was a short-lived profession. All I can say is I wish I had followed suit because I could have prevented a lot of stress later by simply being more independent and stronger by acquiring a career by now.
It truly depends on the individual. As with many jobs. A corrupt cop or a mentally ill veteran may or may not have started as corrupt or mentally ill. They may or may not have been aware of their state of mind. Their job may or may not have created or made worse their mental and moral state. In the case of dancers everywhere, it is the same. The money is never guaranteed, thus creating stress, more time spent working in the club, and more exhaustion. As with everyone on earth, all dancers have a different income, different coping methods for the nightly discomforts, and different financial situations. For some, 1500 is enough and they travel to Vegas. For some, 100 is enough and they work a day job as well. Some are paying for huge houses, split from a spouse, empowered in being single mothers supporting themselves. Others are paying college fair. Others just genuinely want the freedom of not being told when and how much they can be paid, and they use their looks and personality to their advantage. I have heard from many people, that you don’t dance for more than 5 years. Either because you won’t know how to work outside the club and won’t leave it, or because you lose yourself there and don’t fully recover. In my case, as in many of the girls I worked with’s cases, I am what I would call a recovered stripper. I met my husband in the club. We were both parents, and both trying to change our lives. I never once went looking for a partner or a hook up when I stepped into the club. Work is work. But the relationships you develop inside can travel outside of it, and often do. For me personally, I can say it damaged me as much as it made me grow as a person. I watched miserable women every night and I was one. We learned to coexist. We learned that catfights were petty and that each girl had their own way of making money. And we learned not to tread on each others toes. Some clubs are more respectful than others. Some girls are just plain street. And unpleasant. And others are street but absolutely genuine in many ways. Some are crazy. In my opinion, to dance, you were in an already somehow desperate situation. And the money gave an out. And over time, expenses were remedied usually. But over time, each woman changes. For me I felt like I was dying every time I pretended not to mind people touching me, or being creepy. Every night I made sure my son was safe and that I came home to him. But most nights I had to stay drunk to be ok. Many of us did. Every dancer is unique. They only have one thing in common to start. A desire to make more money that brings them there. From that day forward nobody is the same. I loved my fake nails. I loved being pretty. But over time I got sick of the things paperlike nails under the plastic. I got sick of having to pretend. I got sick of not being able to be me all the time. Only when I was outside of work. I found my out in massage. I felt less dirty and I helped people feel better, married or single. And I took that work outside the club. I made good honest money and felt like I made a difference. But there will always be a part of me that hears the song “the ballad of Mona Lisa” and sees the club. And feels all the emotions attached to it. Just remember. Anything evolves with time and environment. The same goes for women.
Seems to me you interviewed a low # of dancers, do you know the statistics are similar for non entertainers as well.
I have been following this feed for awhile. I have been dancing off and on for 22 years and it is certainly tough to feel like there is no way out. In the past year I have been making strides to finish school in half the time, I am now a junior in just 14 moths of college. Also, I just repaired my credit which is super important to get a good job when I finish school. I am setting myself up to retire in the next year and that is what anyone who wants out has to do. Will I think back to how easy or not so easy my life was while dancing? I hope not. I hope I will have placed myself in such a better position in life that I never look back. I plan to just keep pushing forward and never look back or go backwards.
You have to be strong for yourself. The industry is changing and in the future it will be worse. Men are so desensitized these days and many feel it’s ok to try to downgrade their comments and actions towards dancers now. When I first started dancing it was easy to just make money talking, having a decent and good nonsexual conversation; however, that has changed. Men often think they can do as they please now. I am constantly fighting off unwarranted comments and people trying to touch me without my permission. I have to explain to them the idea of respect no matter what the setting and that not only am I not there property but it is against the law and still most don’t seem to care. So I move on to the next hoping that an intellectual conversation is more enticing than their need to be an idiot.
The point is give yourself an opportunity to improve yourself and your life. It is the only way out. I hope this encourages at least one person to follow in my footsteps of impowering yourself. It truly is a rough road to get off of. I am fortunate to be able to try.
From a young age I began dancing. As soon as I turned 18 I was dancing. At 24, I am still dancing. However, this is two children later. I am educated actually graudated from college and now must take my boards, but yes it took me this long to finish. I must say, at first that this started out as fun and games. Coming from no family I have always worked hard, but one night a friend told me to try it so I did. I made more money than I did in two weeks at the time, thus I stayed. I never thought it would take an emotional/psychological toll on me but it did. Years later I am left to deal with what bothers me even though I cannot quite put my finger on it. It can become fun at first but when it becomes a means to an end and the only option you have left, the feeling is like no other. So yes, I guess, It does cause mental trauma.
I myself am a dancer. I’m 24 years old … and agree of such mental traumas that come with this occupation. As I try to fight my demons…i find myself dancing with them instead..the money is so disgustingly addicting. I quit my day job for the stripping thinking it was the best of my options. I regret doing so and I highly encourage young girls to find a positive environment. I’ve neglected my own well being for the past 5 years… and these are years I can not gain back… but lesson learned… quick money comes at a VERY HIGH COST. Although different experience per individual ( dancer)….Be as it may… it is not worth it. I may have made a good amount of money but I’ve come my own conclusion that id rather have my mental well being then be financially at ease. Please girls . every moment in your life ..every experience molds you to who you are now. Do what is morally right…..I know its a “cold ” world and in reality “hustling” will get you by…but enjoy these moments of life…. Do not become a product of your history.
– private school education- religious upbringing- suburban lifestyle college bound- law or medicine was the plan… Then after a fallout with my parents and being financial cut off.. Having no where to live or a car… I decided to try. Strippers love money_ that’s true and some make a lot more money than you think… But stripping is a scar on your SOUL. Basically crimne bosses run the show. In other words there aint no union. Can be fired at any moment. You lose your sense of reality…. You often see the absolute worst in men..it makes you numb… Your heArt breaks daily, you beg ugly otherwise laxkluster men for attentuon and approval MAJOR mind **CK… Then you see girls whoring girls, snorting, shooting, having backstage sex… It destroys your morality and bsense of self. (The prettier you het the uglier you feel. STRIPPERS HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM m”managers” “djs” security persue you sexually.. You are objectified… You are DEPRESSED about the STIGMA…the whole “secret cob” only reinforces feelings of self hatred. BY the time you finish you have a drinking or drug problen, HEP C or STDs NO MONET SAVED and serious mental trauma… No resume for the last 4 years all things said at least you weren’t one of the many who are raped, murdered,pimped sex enslaved… Everyones incorrect… Stripping is MORE traumatic than it seems and strippers are LYING when they say anything. You will never be fully recovered.
True true true
Clearly you did not work at a professional club. I, myself, was put into a very similar situation to what you speak of. My best friend was a stripper and urged me to come work with her when I said I was broke and needed to find a job. I decided to try it, went for my audition, and loved it. The place is extremely clean, and there is zero tolerance for drugs or “extras,” as they are known in the clubs. Yes, there are many smarmy clubs out there that you should avoid; my friend guest stripped at one of them in town and had an awful experience. If you are smart and find a good club, then you can have a great experience.
You must of worked in Miami lol.
I usually don’t jump in on these forums but I had to on this one.
I don’t judge others… It’s not my business to do so, we all have a story. I danced for 10 years and they day I walked away I was so proud that I was no longer an erectional engineer. I have been screwed up since the last few years of doing it. I have social anxiety, I’m narcissistic, controlling, paranoid,depressed, suicidal, and completely out of touch with reality. I think that if I’m never gawked upon by men I have no self worth. I have been out of the industry for 6 years, thankfully. I was never a drug abuser but experimented yes. I did become a heavy drinker in the last 2 years so I lost my eye on that ball. Made nothing but a bar tab. I trust not men nor women and I cant have a stable normal relationship because I think my partner is always sleeping with someone. Its a mess.I have always loved psychology and I’m currently on my way to finishing my masters degree in clinical psych. I am not healed,. I’m far from it. However, I am not in denial of the person I became. I do remember how I was before. This is all I can say for the young women in the field who do this long term… Everything you make now you will pay for later in shrink bills. Sooner or later it does get you.
This person knows the truth… 😦 I’ve worked la when it was money flowing some hoes and easy cash outs that totalled a weeks work. Yet we all were mentally fucked.
I was a stripper for two years… it is extremely mentally damaging (and soul damaging). It is also very hard to get out of it after awhile. And ALL of the girls I worked with were a little messed up in one way or another… some more than others. I always thought there should be some sort of documentary made so that people would be more understanding of the subject, or at least more research done. And I think most women who have stripped for at least a year agree with me in that it fucks you up.
Yes an uncensored documentary would shatter and reveal a lot notions it really is much bigger than we think. Society must face the fact that there is an underlying acceptance and booming business based on exploitation and abuse of woman.
I’m a 47 year old man and my best friend is a stripper. She says she looks at it as a job and the guys that come in as dollar signs. She has a full time day job I am also her coworker she only does the stripper thing on saterday nites. over the years she has gone from straight relationships to being a lesbian she has been in a relationship with a woman for a couple of years now. she was married at one time and has a teenage son. her and I both have a drinking problem we also drink together. When she first told me she was stripping I fell apart and told her she was better than that. She kind of got upset at me and said what she does is not degrading but she said she appreciated ware I was coming from. Later I found myself telling her I wanted to visit her at the club, she gave me a flat out no. She said she valued me to much as a friend and me being there would make her feel akward and she wouldn’t be able to do her job. I persisted just a little, I said it kind of hurt knowing she lets strangers see somthing of her that I’ll never see. finally she told me that she couldn’t stop me from coming in there but if I did it would end the friendship. I feel so stupid and selfish for saying what I said to her. This is a woman that told me she would always have my back, she also told me one time that she loved me. She was plastered drunk when she said it but thats when most people speak more of the truth than when their sober. And all the huggs I get from her when she is sober kind of says it all. I guess the real reason I’m writing this post is to tell people they shouldn’t steriotyp someone for making a decision to strip to help make ends meet. From the first time I met this woman I always new she looked good, and she is smokin hott believe me, but it’s nothing compared to her beauty on her inside.
My mother is a psychologist, and I am a biology and psychology double major, with aims to go to medical school and work as an addict specialist. My parents split about a year ago, which was the best thing that could have ever happened. My father was abusive growing up, and still to this day is extremely manipulative emotionally. My mother is wonderful, and my best friend. However, she makes little money at the moment, and my father does not want to support me any longer. Because of this, I grappled with the decision to strip.
The funny thing is, though, that I was not concerned with the stripping in and of it itself. It was the social stigma that goes along with it. You want to say that feminists say that it is objectifying women? I think not. I feel that I am putting men in their place by having them shower hundreds of dollars on me just for the pleasure to see me naked for all of three minutes, where he cannot touch me at all. These guys pay $10 just to talk to you. I am quite feminist, I believe, and extremely supportive of sex workers’ rights, and I have to say to me stripping is the very definition of feminism. We are using what is given to us to make money, and taking advantage of men’s sex crazed ways.
With that said, I have a very positive experience stripping. However, I also work at a really great club. There is no house fee, and you are not required to tip out for the bouncers (though, of course, unless it’s a really bad night we always do–you want the bouncers to like you). Of everything we sell, we get to keep half, and every Monday we get to keep 100% of what we earn from lap dances. The club is extremely clean and the owners have a zero tolerance for “extras” or drug use. Some of the girls are messed up, yes, but some of them, like myself, are just trying to support their way through school and this is a great way to do it. I would like to make that comparison to a fast food restaurant I worked at previously, and you had very similar ratios. Some were people that couldn’t seem to get their lives together, some were kids working their way through school. The difference is that I can make more in one night than I did on a paycheck working 40 hours.
I have personally found the experience empowering, and as someone that was a bit insecure about her body before, I have gained a great deal of self-confidence from stripping. Something that another commenter stated, and that I would like to reiterate, is that you are ALWAYS in control. I always make a guy pay up-front for his lap dances and champagne rooms, because that way if he acts up I immediately end it but I still get my money. I honestly think that many girls that already had issues mentally go into the industry, and so it is not really so much as a cause of mental anguish, as something that exacerbates an existing problem. Although how you would study that is beyond me, because you could not assign a random group of people to go strip and evaluate them mentally before stripping.
Wow! This is crazy! The bottom line is if men wouldn’t pay then women wouldn’t dance. End of story! So stop hating the women for being finacially smart and focus more on intervention of the men who frequent these places.
[…] prompted Dr Stu, Guru Magazine’s editor, to address the blogosphere with his post ‘The psychological cost of being a stripper’. His blog post sparked a lot of conversation – more than 40 lengthy […]
After being a stripper for three years and just quitting that degrading disgusting job I find myself in a bed contemplating suicide
I am foreign and I apologize about my English. Many strippers which don’t even like being called like that talk about feeling empowered which I find ridiculous. How can grinding on a man s dick for a living empower u?
In Portland many dancers don’t make money because of the high amount of strip clubs. So on top of feeling gross mentally disturbed and miserable u end up with no money. How empowering is that?
I believe they think is empowering cause they actually feel the opposite way.. They feel they have no power or control over their lives. How empowering is it to show ur vagina for a dollar? Please. Empowering shouldn’t even be used as a word to talk about strip clubs. And money it ain’t great everywhere. Work in Oregon and see how quickly u starve
Thank you for an insightful article.
I dated a stripper. They should never be judged for what they do. They are part of a system and a market. That’s the heart breaking part. She would tell me that at least 90 per cent of the attendees in the club are married men. When I asked her to get out of the scene ( which she did) it wasn’t about judging her. I loved her. It was about getting her as far away as possible from the disgusting pigs that attend and think that it’s ok to throw money at women to take their clothes off and do a lap dance or private show. You can be sure that the clientele would not like it if it was their own daughters on the stage.
I’m not moralistic and have attended strip joints in my younger years. I can say that I was never a big fan. The way that men would speak about the strippers when they weren’t listening in many cases, was vulgar and repulsive. I will never go back to a strip joint.
My disappointment isn’t centred around the women, but more towards the men that frequent those places and flash cash as if they think they have power. Seriously, what a bunch of losers!!!
I must say, I agree with Laura. After being a dancer for 10 years, I go to therapy once a week. I survived a suicide attempt four years ago. I come from a good background and have a great relationship with my father. I came home from Portland a year ago and have socially isolated myself ever since. I feel as if my dancer ” persona” was the coping mechanism I had to use to justify working in those conditions. At first I felt “empowered” when I started dancing. The money was great, I could provide well for my 2 children, and I felt I had the freedom all these girls think they have. Flash forward 10 years- I haven’t been in a healthy relationship for 4 years, I have struggled financially, socially, and most of all emotionally. The hardest part is learning how to live again. I never felt so powerless. It has been a complete spiritual journey. I’m not even religious. I don’t think it is a coincidence or an accident that I ended up there. I guess it was part of the plan. There were a lot of things I learned, good and bad. I had some of the best times of my life. I traveled, met interesting people, made tons of money but yet I came back to reality a broken woman. It was almost like I let the dancer persona become me. I am a very logical, intuitive, and intelligent woman but as hard as I tried not to let that world get to me, it did. It was like a demon trying to destroy me. I will never look back at my life with regret, but ultimately the emotional cost was far too much than I could afford. I struggled with it long before I even left the club. It was almost like spiritual warfare going on inside my soul. I empathize with the ladies comments above in how it has helped them get through school, raise kids, etc.
Some of the most intelligent and inspiring women I’ve known I met in dressing rooms all across the West! But what they don’t know is the future. I used to think of myself as a Stripper Soldier, because I was tough and strong and I could handle anything that came my way. And I was wrong. I will never play victim, nobody hurt me, except me. It’s a world of illusion, it’s escapism for everyone involved and it’s negative. Plain and simple. I will never judge any woman who does it for a living because there are a million different reasons why the ladies get involved. But what I will say is that there is a cost, whether it be financially, emotionally, addiction, prostitution, divorce, you name it. I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it, I have the damn t-shirt. And there’s not one thing in this world that’s free! I can say that despite everything, I have seen my life change for the better in the last year. I did a 180. I really don’t give myself enough credit. But when you’re tired of something you change it. Nothing is impossible. Well, there’s my story and I hope anyone who wants out finds a way. Make your own way. If you’re still doing it and you like your job, make that money, save that money and picture yourself in 2, 5, 10 years. I hope you like what you see! Don’t let the industry steal your essence! Cheers and love to you girls out there:)
Don’t ever block the women’s view of a male stripper, if you want to live.
First off sprippers clubs are legal and prostitution is not. Who ever you got your information from calling strip club the sex busness you should get your money back. Stripping is not the most morally correct job in the world but it’s a hustal, a place for women to make money and not have to sell themselves in a illegal act of the “sex busness” as you call it. As far as morality goes most strippers that go to school wind up doing somthing in the medical field like nursing which is very morally correct. Self esteam worrying about your physical appearance that depends on the person and comes with age. As far as we see it a dancer who is comfortable with her body no matter if the physical appearance is model material or not is the one who makes more money. Sure strippers may be objectified that’s why there’s nothing Morally wronge with selling a fantasy and geting paid. If anyone’s wronge it’s the customers that go in clubs looking for more while being married not the girls who work there. Also the term should be exotic dancer not stripper.
As far as drugs drinking ect.. anyone placed in an environment with liquor may drink example bartenders that doesn’t make someone bad. If anything a smart dancer would make rules not to drink at work because her free time is more importent and one could enjoy booze then. Allso why be depressed about what dancing one will a Acquire more social skills and probley deal with people better then a psychologist, when you feel like, it in a few months then one would with years of training. Morality is good too practice toward people you love but America is built on a hustle and people will say and do whatever they need to service so one gets with the program in ANY profession or drowned.
I have been an exotic dancer for 17 years, only taking time off to have my children or for medical leave. And while I agree that no one put a gun to my head saying I had to do this, I was a single mom who already worked a full time job, and dancing was the only possible way I could still make ends meet and even have a couple hours to see my children each day. For some dancers, its that they are working full time and going to college so they don’t have the time to work that second full time job. I have met hundreds of dancers over the years, & I can honestly say that they all have different reasons for doing what they do. But the bottom line is that it is more bang for your buck. You get paid about the same amount of money in just a few hours dancing as you would in a 40 hour week somewhere else. Which provides more time to spend with your kids, we’re going to school, or whatever it is that you need to do to improve your quality of life. As my quality of life improved over all these years dancing? Probably not. I have more than my share of health issues, directly related to the wear and tear that the hard stage and the pole has put on my body, I look at myself and although I look damn good for my age, I can see in my face that the industry has just worn me down. It really can get to you. The majority of the years I’ve spent dancing, I’ve been completely able to detach myself from it, meaning I would go to work with minimal expectations, I would not socialize with the customers, nor the other dancers much, and I would make whatever money I made and I would go home. And then I realized that the other dancers who were making more money than me did one thing that I didn’t do, and that was go out and talk to these men when they were off the stage. And while doing this has paid off financially, it has taken a toll on me emotionally. I will not elaborate on all the downsides of letting dancing define you, but I will say that for me, and I would imagine for most dancers, the most negative impact dancing has had on my life, has been getting to know these customers, realizing that most of them are married, they reveal to you that their wife thinks they are working late, or they want you to go out with them to dinner, and their girlfriend will never find out. Being a dancer, you are constantly surrounding yourself with unfaithful men, dishonest men, and typically men who only value you for your outward appearance. so wouldn’t it only be natural for dancers to have failed relationships? Because in our minds, all men have now become these unfaithful, dishonest pigs who we know we can never trust, not to mention the fact that we view every man as a man who only wants us for our bodies or for sex. If that is not a recipe for a failed marriage, I don’t know what is. I am I content with my life being a single mom of 3 wonderful boys? Absolutely. Am I happy? Absolutely not. And I can honestly say that while dancing is a quick and easy way to get by when you need it, the minute you allow yourself to no longer be detached from your job, or when you start doing it for a long period of time, it will eventually consume you and ultimately change who you are and how you view the entire world. For the record, I am an LPN, I am also a certified medical transcriptionist, as well as a certified ophthalmic technician.I was married for 11 years, with the last few of them being burdened by my dancing career. And again I am a mother of 3 boys. My childhood was absolutely amazing, with no absent parents or troubled relationships with any family members. It was not until this year that the pressure of that job, and the desire to make more money, influenced me to try an illegal drug. I did it one time with a customer, thinking he would like me more and tip me more, when in reality, doing that drug one time made me absolutely sick, and that customer seemed to have lost respect for me. So if you all are looking for statistic or demographic information, I can tell you first hand that probably 40% of all the dancers I’ve worked with (and yes, they all confide in me because apparently I have a sticky note on my forehead that says come tell me all your problems), but about 40% of them are strictly there to make their money and go home and take care of their children. No drugs, no parking lot favors. And I would say the other 60% take it a bit farther, and indulge in drugs with the customers, or they dance to make money to support their own habit, usually cocaine or marijuana, and lately a lot of prescription pills. Do I think they started the job for that reason? Absolutely not. I can say that out of that 60%, probably 55% of them started out just like the other 40. And once they started allowing themselves to not be detached, they didn’t like how it made them feel, and that’s when they turned to alcohol, drugs, and casual sex to allow them to cope with their chosen occupation. So ultimately, do I think dancing is bad for our mental health? I think it can be if you let it.I did not allow it for years to affect me, other than how dramatically it changed my outlook on men.But for most of these women, it doesn’t take long for the occupation to affect their mental health, and ultimately, sometimes their physical health. I have witnessed hundreds of dancers spending hours crying on the phone with their husband or boyfriend, usually arguing about their occupation, I have had several of those 40% girls come to me in tears because they wanted to get out of the business so bad and they just didn’t know how, I have witnessed one dancer commit suicide, I was in the parking lot of the bar one night when another dancer was leaving and a customer was hiding in her car, and ended up with a knife at her neck, ultimately directing her to a secluded area where he raped her and killed her. I have seen dancers completely sick from drug overdose, throwing up in the bathroom for hours. And on the flip side, I’ve seen dancers who come directly into the dressing room in between each set, instead of trying to score drugs or flirt with customers, and they call to talk to their children, or they finish up their college assignment, some of these dancers get together and raise money for charities, and while the latter group is few and far between, and if given enough time in the business, they will usually convert to that 60%. It’s a hard business to get out of, because of the money, and in most cases, the possibility of that really good night of money, the empowerment to a degree, because of course if you are just strictly stage dancing, and you’re making good money, it makes you feel desirable, and because of the minimal time it takes to make that money, time that these women can then spend with their families and friends. And since its such a hard industry to get out of, and most women, if in it long enough, will end up letting it consume them, in all the ways stated above, then I strongly believe that yes, for the majority of dancers, it will affect their mental health if they are in the business long enough.
Life make you do things you will regret your entire life, sorry my English is not that good. I was marry 10 years I got divorce 10 months ago, a month later I lose my job, lose my apartment, I was behind with all my bills, thanks god I doesn’t have kids because then my situation could be worse. One of my drive is an stripper told me stop crying and let’s to my club and dance make some money pay your bills find a rent and start looking for another job, another job???? I been dancing for 8 months already at first was a mess I cry day and night I though about killing myself I just don’t get it why all this was happen to me? What I do wrong in life??? I left my husband because he cheating and I don’t have to allow a person to disrespect me. But wait a minute I ask my self every day and night I’m disrespecting my self by getting completely naked in front of thousand people every night. This is a nightmare and I can’t get out. I don’t use drugs I don’t drink so I think this is more difficult without alcohol. I drink one time and fall asleep in my car outside the club,wake up at 6:30 am with the sun in my face. Now that I’m a dancer if you can call me a dancer because when I dance on stage men’s don’t stop yawning ( LOL ) thanks god I have a really beautiful body even if I’m 35… Well now that I’m a dancer I understand men’s better… Liar, liar all the time. The funny thing is they think we are stupid, we are far from stupid…. Sometimes I want to quit but is really difficult I make more money dancing in a week that I make the entire month. I’m saving all I can so I can pay my debts. I was a really good woman, now Im not sure about that anymore. I’m scared I won’t love and be loved anymore, I’m scared I will do this forever. Dancing is horrible but more addictive than drugs.
This is exactly why girls need to stop telling their friends to strip. I see this happen a ton lately. Just for the record get out now or you will never get out. Whoever told you to start dancing is not your friend and also not very smart as she just created more competition for herself while also ruining your life. The more girls the less money to be made made and that is happening everywhere. You make ok money now but the market is getting to saturated and girls are making less and less. Yes sometimes you are making more than a regular job but that is short lived when you end up not making your house fee back some days and maybe even end up in the awful cycle of being behind and owing the club. If you ask me your friend really did you a disservice by introducing you to this districtive world. When I started 17 yrs ago I didn’t know how tough it was to get out. There are girls in their 50’s still dancing and have no hope for retirement. At least you are saving because that is the only way you will ever be able to see yourself get out, if you have money in the bank which is tough to maintain with the cost of living today. I encourage you to get out asap now. Getting out now can’t be more urgent for you.
Thanks Amanda Grey …. Yes I been saving almost all I make I pay my things all everything else I put it in the bank I also pay taxes most of my co- workers they don’t pay nothing to IRS I do because I want to buy a house. This job is really frustrated but I do it with happiness because I know I will get out in a few years when I have everything I’m planing.
So my name is Mariah. I’m 20 years old. I’m not in school and I’m a
Stripper. I can honestly say from 2years experience I love being a stripper, iv never felt better about my image! Every person that comes in is there to admire us. I have small!! Boobies but every guy tells me I’m perfect the way I am and natural is way more beautiful. When I go on stage I have everyone’s attention and they through money to see me nekid, how is that degrading? You go to work and work your ass off for that and I go and twerk my ass off for it. The only down side to it (I will be honest).. My sex drive has gone down a bit. Lol but i was overly sexual before so I feel as now I have a normal amount of sexdrive. 🙂 just thought I would share
As far as Im concerned stripping having any psychological effect is completley all to that person. I can’t prove that nor do I honestly care. Everybody has some kind of self apperance ussue and its up to each of us to work on them in our time. As relevant as anything here’s my story and my opinion.
. I was wotking a dead end job and my wife was 8 months pregnant. I worked probably anywhere between 12-15 hours 6 days a week. My Sunday days off I spent cleaning our apartment and grocery shopping and doing everything I physically could for my wife. Honestly though, this is the most simplest goal a man could ever have. A stay at home wife while the husband does the job and takes care of his family. I couldn’t have ever have been happier to have what I had. Well at 38 weeks my wife was induced and she gave birth to my first born son. He weighed 6 lbs. 2 oz. And was 18 in long. My life was becoming complete. Im 22 years old and had everything I could ever want. A family a home and a simple moral way of living. Well come 6 weeks later while on the job I was outside town I was approached to do something I found very dangerous and for 2-300 a week it wasn’t worth it. I was given the ultimatum do it or you dont have a job. Steaming pissed I left this job. Terrible desicion I thought later on cause I had a terrible time looking for new employment. My wife in turn stood up for her family and swallowed her pride and started a waitress job at a stripper bar. I hated it. I tried to be supportive but I couldnt stabd the idea of allowing my wife to work there. The uniform disgusted me. A seethrough tank top with pink spanks and long white socks and tennis shoes. Eventually I got to where I could deal with it. I kept telling myself “At least shes not stripping.” Later on she was offered a place as the bar girl. Super excited because this meant no more slutty uniform and better pay and tips. This went well for almost a month before the twisted the schedule for another bar girls needs. Now she has to work only one night a week doimg bar and the other 4 as a waitress. I suppose upset my wife decides that we need the money bad enough that she decides to attend amatuer night and win to be a fulltime stripper. I remember that night like it was hours ago. I drank more alcohol in that one night than I ever have in my lifetime and Im not a drinker. I couldnt barely look at her when she came home. I wouldn’t harldy speak to her. Shes been dancing now for 3 months and we’ve grown further and further apart. Its a nightnare for me to imagine these men looking at my wife in her lingire. My son is 6 months now and he hardly knows his mother. She always asleep or gone to work. I hate it and I will probably be leaving her soon.
. So in all honesty heres my opinion. I have nothing against strippers or the sex industry what so ever. I think that its a great paying job and an easy way to pay for expenses. I can see how the attention can definitly raise some self esteem and confidence which is most for sure a healthy thing for any woman.
. However, I do believe it also depends on the circumstance as well. In my scenario this was my wife. I keep strong that the morality of that matter was that in a commited relationship like that sttipping should never be an option. I think the stripping profession should be kept to single women with no nessacary means of any long term relationships. In my case it destroyed my trust towards her and destroyed our happy marriage. What started off as a stand for your family ideal became a dream for her and a nightmare for me. Ladys, not many men can handle this profession. Be courteous towards them if there really the guys for you cause I don’t know how many other men out there are like me but stripping killed me in 3 months from wanting my marriage anymore. The alternate Facebook accounts and the customers constantly texting and the late nights waking up and she wasnt in bed with me and always gone destroyed me. I have tried to reason with her but sone people look at that money and think nothing could make them wanna give that up. Well wise words my friends. Money cant buy you happiness nor can money buy everything. My wife gave up her husband and son for it. Lets see if the moneys really worth it when every morning she comes home to a empty house and the 2 people who cared for her more than anybody are gone.
Michael, I don’t know if you read my comment above, but if you need my history there it is. Your comment was extremely eye opening, and while most women would argue that if the man trusts his wife and is confident in their relationship, it shouldn’t matter what they do for a living. And they might say that a man who feels threatened by his wife dancing for a living is very insecure or maybe he doesn’t treat her right to begin with, so he’s petrified that she will realize there are other men out there who may treat her better,or pay attention to her. But my heart goes out to you, because even though I agree with what most women would argue, I can also say that since my last comment, I tried to be in a relationship and he was super cool with what I was doing at first. Months later, after feelings developed stronger, he became strongly opposed to it and it has probably been one of the main reasons for our demise. I can only stand somewhat strong saying “you knew I did that when you met me”, not to mention he has lied to me several times from day one, so that stripper lack of trust just multiplied being with a chronic liar. My point is it’s easy for me to say ,”you knew I was a stripper”, and “your lies are what ruined us”, but countless times he told me how he felt, said almost exactly what you said, and I simply reminded him that we needed the money and that he was just being insecure because of the attention the other guys were giving me that he wasn’t. But reading your comment really was enlightening because I see now that maybe there really is some validity to the pain someone feels when their partner is a dancer. And you saying your son hardly knows his mother because she’s either working or sleeping was truly like a slap in the face. Granted, I have other jobs and only do this two nights a week, but I feel sometimes like that’s all my kids see of me, is me leaving for work or dozing off on the couch because I’m so exhausted from hours of sleep and my sciatic nerve is flared up from dancing, which will probably ease up just in time for me to go back and do it all over again. I thank you for your comment. I’m not saying I’m going to quit tomorrow, but for the first time ever, thanks to you, I am going to weigh this carefully, and decide if the price I’m paying for a flexible schedule and extra money is worth the time I’m losing with my boys, and the stress on my body, and the paralyzing fear of being in a meaningful relationship. It’s like I know that my schedule there technically allows me much more time “with them”, but because of the repercussions of the job, it’s not really time “with them”. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your eye opening perspective. And I wish you the very best. I hope things work out exactly how you want them to. For you and your little guy. I hope his mommy realizes soon what she’s missing before it’s too late.
The people posting stuff under this article went so many directions I guess I’m confused. I just picked this article up because I was looking for a support group for retired dancers. One of the few things I could relate to is one woman towards the top saying the years of it hits you when you least expect it. I went in to dancing at 18 years old, I left at 31. I’ve been retired 2 years. Spent 13 years dancing. Yes, I do have multiple degrees. 2 Masters, 1 separate Bachelors, and a Small associates. I kept getting degrees but continued dancing scared to use them. Like I owuldnt be able to function in the real world. Truth is…its hard especially at first. I know I am so much happier now but alot of things still other me and im not 100% right. As many years of dancing though as anygood actress, nobody knows. I finally left though. 2 promotions later at my company and 2 years later I am the VP. But no one knows how much I struggle inside especially the last year with the after math of dancing so long phsychologically. What’s happened to me, what I have watched happen to my former friends, how I feel about myself, how I cant find balance only being one person a day and not two. How hard it is to be intimate and trust my fiancé of one year when I spent so long being forced to stay in control of my surroundings for so long being a dancer so things never got out of control. It feels even by reading a lot of people posts no one even here understands. I should probably see a professional I guess this was a shot. The sad part is that most women I know haven’t gotten out. A few committed suicide or drug overdoses over the years, most are still in and as the years go by are just stagnant in their lives or a hot mess, I was the only one that left danced long term and left and never went back. Its one of the most frustrating feelings in the world and to have no one to relate to or talk to that I feel would understand.
Wow, the response on this article is so helpful. I just got home from auditioning at a club. I froze when I got up there, and didn’t get the gig, and I’m so grateful. I’ve never danced, (have done other fetish stuff, that took me a time to recover from) but find myself attracted to this environment. It’s like a dysfunctional pull for me.
Before tonight, and the revelations afterwards, I put it in my head that this would be empowering, I could get in touch with my sexuality as a woman and be proud of it, and make some money. (I have a degree and experience….why am I cutting myself short?). It’s crazy how I talked myself into believing something and then the truth of the situation starts to really make sense, and they are my same dysfunctional patterns I’ve been working on to heal. GOD challenges me to stay true to myself.
I’ve really been working on my relationship with myself. When I say that, I mean, the way I see myself, talk to myself, love myself and respect myself for who I really am. I’ve been getting to know myself….the real me. Not someone who everyone else wants me to be to please THEM. I am truly starting to see myself as a valuable and important person…..not just a woman’s body…and my sexuality, and that is where my worth is…. Who I AM is awesome.
I can’t play the same game with the same behaviors anymore…because I’ve changed! (I grew up in an abusive home). But yeah those abusive patterns are STRONG, and take time to work through. Working as a stripper would have not been good for me. Why do I feel like to gain more confidence to be proud of being a woman, I have to strip???? It’s that pull! There’s no dignity in that as a woman. My sacred sexuality is not something to share with strangers, and my sexual expression can wait until I find a wonderful man who loves me for who I AM. (I’ve had a lot of issues with men, that are starting to be healed as well)…..I now belief that I CAN have and deserve a healthy relationship.
As I started to interact with people, it was apparent that it is ALL about insecure egos. AND I would have to stroke them to make money…put myself back into same abusive patterns!! These are the same insecure egos that abuse, manipulate, and have narcissistic personality disorders. They need you for a narcissistic fix. I’m not the people pleaser, the scapegoat, or the one who never talks about herself or puts importance on my emotions, my needs and my wants….anymore. I matter!
Hi, thanks for being so open and honest. Yes, it is not a healthy environment, but you got out and are working through the trauma. I so understand the stuck feeling of not being able to move forward with confidence and self-esteem, even though you have every reason to be.
I go to strip clubs often. I also go to webcam rooms. I don’t think I’m a lowlife though. I work hard for my money and I can do whatever I want with it. Also contrary to popular belief I am a young attractive male and I make a good salary for a 22 year old. I will admit that I’m perverted but I don’t like to make women feel uncomfortable. Whenever I go to strip clubs I am always courteous to the dancers. For instance I hardly ever turn down a dance (most of the strip clubs I go to have very attractive women) because I don’t want the women to think I’m just some lowlife cheapskate. I do the best I can to make the situation between me and he dancer less awkward. It’s already bad that she may think I’m a creep so I do my best to prove I’m a nice guy. Perverted but nice. I keep my hands to myself and respect the rules of the club. It’s so bad that most of the time the girls just tell me to relax and don’t worry too much about what’s going on. I will say that if you go to a strip club that let’s you touch or do more. It’s gonna be extremely awkward for you. One thing I did encounter though in a webcam room was a girl who was telling the guys that were watching her that she owed money on back rent. She started talking about how she hates that she strips online, tired of having to be late on rent. She said she had been doing it for 2 years and she was tired of it but she needs money. She then started to talk about how there are nights where she would go to sleep and hope she didn’t wake up. I have to say that it was then that I realized how much stripping affected their minds. Some women have no escape from it since they are desperate for money. I started tipping her because I felt so bad for her situation. While I don’t think any person who goes to a strip club for a good time and is respectful of strippers is a bad person. It also skewered the way I look at any woman who strips or does webcam work in a more sympathetic way and not just boobs or a butt. I just wish I wasn’t so perverted then I could break my habit of going to the clubs and rooms.
I have been dancing for 8 years and I will speak for myself. I know I am negatively affected by this job emotionally and psychologically. I feel the article focused mainly on women’s self-esteem as it is related to their physical appearance. In my experience, there are many more important factors than physical appearance that affected my self-esteem. Seeing married men come in the club and acting like perverts as they are getting lap dances twisted my view on marriage and on men as a whole. Also, having the knowledge that you are only as good as the next butt or pair of boobs that walk by is pretty demeaning. Hearing comments that customers will make to me about other girls body parts disgusts me and diminishes me. Competing on the floor amongst girls that I did not have knowledge they prostitute themselves outside the club also hurt my self-esteem initially. In the beginning (not knowing how this game works) I would see certain girls making a lot of money and not understand why I was not making any. It hurt me deeply but now that I have been in this business a long time it doesn’t hurt me knowing that certain nights I do not make money not because of my looks. Also, not having had any other job all these years makes me doubt myself that I will ever be able to land, hold or be content in another line of work. Also, I have to say that it took me these many years to learn that I could say no and I did not have to allow inappropriate touching. That’s one of the positives. Yes there are positives too but they came at a price.
Wow, this article has been eye opening. I came here to try to understand why my step daughter might have become a “dancer”. She said it was to pay for college but really that’s just an excuse. Plenty of people make it through college without stripping. No, i think she may have started because she wanted an easy way to make money and she craved the male attention, perhaps it was empowering for her to “control” the attentions she got because she was so completely out of control in being able to get the attention she needed from the only man that really mattered – her dad. Not because her dad didn’t try but because her mother made it nearly impossible, subjecting her to guilt and parental alienation.
Dancing for 10 plus years now, at age 36 I must say this job is rewarding and exhausting at the same time.Unless you have been a dancer, you can not fully understand the emotional and mental changes we go through over time. I have no kids, never been married, don’t do drugs or drink and never prostituted for a buck and still I can not find my self to leave the club. This business is so soul damaging it hurts…literally. I have been in a relationship for 6 years and because he doesnt work me dancing seems to be the only thing he cares about. I can work for three hours and make over $1000 and because i really hate the job so much, i wont go back for weeks. So with this sad, 5 year routine, I end up hungry, near homeless and losing my relationship and myself. I have been in this game for so long that I have lost common sense on how be a responsible adult who makes wise decisions. I have read every book on how to quite the game, started 2 businesses but you can have all the money you need but once that cash flow is low, unless you have a support system, you will always end up going back to the pole. No matter how many times you try and quite and work a “regular” 9 to 5, the club will always be calling your name. At 36 I can still walk in to a club and easily make at least $500 on a bad night cause I didn’t harm my body with excessive partying, drinking or drug use doing my younger days. Not doing any of those things, and working and sleeping I guess proves to be the secret of looking youthful.
I would say to anyone who wants to be a stripper to have strong sense of self first. Know who you are and why you want to dance. Have lots of confidence, be smart with your money and get out while your ahead. Its ok if you are mentally able to handle all that comes with it. I consider myself to be strong and solid, but no matter how long I try to stay away from the club, I ALWAYS end up going back. With my ageless look, petite frame, no kids, etc, I will probably be a stripper until Im 50. I will always have a guaranteed job that pays really well at the cost of losing myself and my sanity. GOD help me.
I have been dancing for much longer than you, about 18 years off and on so I definitely understand your situation as my story is really similar. I don’t do any of the things you mentioned either and you’re correct it is the key to staying healthy and ageless. Some people have tell me I look as young as 19 and no older than 26 depending on how I do my hair and makeup, but actually 40 is just around the corner for me.
Look this is my advice… The only way out is to get your college education and I mean that in the most serious way. I have found a ton of online schools that offer ex celebrated programs where it can take you half the time it normally does to get your degree. Once you finish school you can find a job that lets you make what you make in the club if not more. I am not saying it will be easy but just think of it as your retirement plan, everyone needs one. I know it is cliche for a dancer to go to school but the reality is most give up before they even finish their first year due to many different factors usually related to having kids, but you don’t have those worries. So, focus on yourself and screw the boyfriend, believe me no matter how much you love him when you start I powering yourself then you will love yourself more. Once he sees you go for a better life hopefully he will want to do the same and if not show him the door because no one is worth giving up on yourself.
So far in Las Vegas two clubs Spearamint Rhino and Sapphire have been sued for taking much advantage over entertainers by charging them fees to work there as independent contractors. both clubs have Lost their court battles and still refuse to obey the courts by continuing to charge girls. The Supreme Court in Nevada has unanimously agreed that dancers are employees of the clubs and not independent contractors and the clubs should be actually paying these women at least regular minimum wage for working there. Ricks in New York is also being sued for the same thing and are currently fighting it. This has a huge impact for entertainers and the industry. Sapphires has been ordered to pay back those fees but probably will settle and get away with paying only pennies on the dollar. It is estimated that they average $50 million per year in fees charged to the dancers that work there. That is why they continue to charge girls even though they are not supposed to continue on this way, because attorney fees, fines, court costs and what they will end up paying back to the entertainers is still far less then what they make currently.
All of the above being said there is a club I have been told in Arizona that has stopped charging entertainers to work there, but have yet to pay them as employees. This is someone of a small victory and show the industry, at least for the smaller less profitable stripclubs is slowly but sure impacted and forced to start thinking about changing to conform some what. It has been my opinion for years that mark is not the customers that clubs are making the most money off of its the girls. When it comes to stripclubs the dancers are the “mark”, not they guys. The business is making money off of the entertainers period. So, it will be interesting to see what the near future holds for all involved.
As a (college educated!) dancer myself, most of the psychological damage done to me has been caused by society ‘s stigma on sex work. Some of the men think we are disposable and that we have no one that truly cares about us. I can say this is wholly untrue. Our puritanical society is what hurts sex workers, men that have no self control is what hurts sex workers, bad science (such as this survey) hurts sex workers. I’ve had every insult in the book hurled at me, I’ve been sexually assaulted, I’ve had men try to rape me at work. I’ve also had all these things happen outside of work. I think what it comes down to is that we need to value women and their emotional labor more, and stop teaching men that they are entitled to women’s bodies. What I do for a living is supposed to be creating a fantasy and entertaining. Men that take it further than that are the real issue and I would say that’s only about 10% of the customers.
I literally spent at least an hour reading these comments. I can say from personal experience the industry has affected my emotional health and mental health. I am 22, and I started at 19. I’ve always been dancing on and off. When I first started I was like fresh meat and making money because of it. I definitely wasn’t in tune with my sexuality. (I wasn’t doing full nude; just a note). I wanted to get out of my then boyfriend’s house. I for one have had a tough childhood. From foster care to reuniting with my mother at 17 across the country, to be hugely disappointed. I did experience abuse growing up. This had nothing to do with why I first went into the industry. I was bartending and living with my then boyfriend . I couldn’t seem to get another gig because I was too shy. I wanted to finish school and move from his apartment and get my independence back. My curiosity sparked seeing how glamorized the industry is and of course the fast money. When I started I felt accomplished when my hustle was right. When I came home with money my first night I remember just thinking of how I would be able to move out. Fast forward to when I moved on my own after having roommates the first year . I started feeling so guilty about it. I even saw a customer on campus and I used to feel like everyone staring knew. I didn’t make friends because I felt no one could understand my life. Two of my good friends from high school went into the industry and their head just got so messed up but then again going into prostitution played a huge part in that. It’s funny because I didn’t have too many regulars dancing but I was doing very good but something in my head just changed. It was too real to see society in this way believing that this is just how the world is. Yes some of the guys are nice but they still want you to grind on them for $20 and/or don’t understand the true value of women. And its business so you have to turn emotions off.
In the long run I wish I would’ve still made friends and lived more back then. I took a lot of breaks to spend time on studying music. I fear that people will not take me seriously as an artist later. It’s very hard because people judge you and talk behind your back that should be supporting you. It can get very lonely depending on what your profession is outside of work because a lot of dancers don’t trust each other. I always wanted to separate myself from work. I think it’s true you have to have a strong sense of who you are. I feel as though my spirit was hurting slowly and I didn’t even recognize it. I feel things and people and their energy and after awhile I couldn’t separate that from just working. In an environment where people are doing drugs, money and alcohol is involved, oh and sex, there are bound to be negative spirits or people’s demons floating about. That’s just reality in my opinion. So that’s what makes it draining. All of the acting too. The last club I left I somewhat regret it because it was nice but then reality hits me. I would never recommend the job to another young woman. I would say stay in school or find something else.
I know with the underlying battles I already had, that my experience in the industry has made things worse. It can become a circus with all of the freaks (customers and workers) ready for the same illusion. Let’s all be real the industry itself is known for the darkness and shadiness and danger.
Not being sarcastic, but where are these clubs that don’t have this going on? I saw a few posts mention above and I’m very curious to see examples.
I left dancing for what I thought was final only to deal with sexual harassment at the new job that had nothing to do with sex. I’ve been so depressed about it I have barely gotten out of my bed for two weeks and I’m fighting to do so because this rent is not going to pay itself ! I hide it to my boyfriend that it’s really not that bad because I don’t want to be a victim.
My advice is to pack your bags and don’t look back. If it doesn’t bother you to be in the environment then I would say to have a serious savings plan and an exit plan and stay focused . Girls used to tell me but I didn’t understand how serious it is to have. Make friends that support you no matter what and keep you focus on the prize. If you’re a spiritual person (not saying religious ) then this will probably get to you in the long run as our senses are very strong and all of that negativity, people trying to touch you in lap dances, etc. is likely to affect you not to mention how hard it is to go back to society. I am sad to say that I feel accepted in the circus but I know it is all an illusion because you can love the game but the game does not love you. I see girls that love the game getting their fake boobs and what not and I just can’t understand how that can be considered self-love. …The fact that most girls HAVE to have a drink or more for work tells you something is not right. This materialistic society has made us into soul-less money making machines. … and I’m talking about us humans in general .I don’t know …but I love all my ladies out there keep your head up.
Some of these generalizations are disgusting. My best friend and I are dancers at a high end strip club. We do not do any prostitution or any drugs. All of my clients have been super sweet and I love my job. Contrary to popular belief we both grew up in great families and are close with our parents. My father and I are extremely close and I have never once been sexually abused. I make more money dancing than my friends who have gone to grad school. I decided to get into dancing after taking a few career paths and not being satisfied with what I was doing. The club I work at is extremely strict and has 0 tolerance for drugs, prostitution and grimey men. I don’t ever feel traumatized or objectified in the slightest. I am able to pay for a beautiful condo, a brand new car, traveling, and anything else I want. Because I am in lingerie constantly I take better care of myself. I eat healthy, and exercise more than I did before I was dancing. I am in a great place Financially, physically and mentally because of my job, And because of this I am in the healthiest relationships I have ever been in. Guess I don’t fit everyone’s stereotype.
Currently there is a strip club near where I live that is being closed due to blatant prostitution. Any person that goes into one of these places is there for one thing only – – they are horny!!! Don’t be so damn naive!!!!! You strip because that’s all you can do. You can pay for a beautiful condo because you are nothing but a prostitute yourself, earning thousands of dollars in a weekend!!! Anyone who is in a relationship who enters one of these places is being unfaithful to their partner/spouse. It’s the oldest profession in the business – – hope your condo warms your self-esteem at night.
I have been stripping for 5 yrs. Most of the girls i have met do not work to pay for school…but i have met those who have. From what i have noticed, personally, is that stripping is emotionally drainning. Especially, if u are a mother. It makes it hard to be “emotionally” available for not only your kid but for any other relationship. You not only have to “sell” yourself but ” sell” your body(as in meaning while on stage or while performing at any time at work) but also your personality,…all your energy goes into work. It teaches a female to be totally opposite of what a female is taught to be. I do see a lot of higher self-esteem within the strippers than non-strippers. It is a lifestyle that i wish for no one to ever have to be involved in for too long. Yes, i will admit that i definately know the inside of a male’s mind now…but at what cost? I have become emotionally harder…selfish…and lazy (as far as any other “work”) and have embarrassed my family. I am no longer the person that i was 5 yrs ago.
Whether or not Stripping is degrading to women or not depends on circumstances. I was a successful dancer for two years. I modelled also, and posed for men’s magazines. I had graduated university with an arts degree, but struggled to find decently paid work. I found myself in the frightening position of being divorced after 8 years of marriage, having to support myself and my daughter on very little money. I have always been a person who loved to dance, and express my sexuality. I had a good figure and was not awkward about being naked as I think all women are beautiful. I knew I could make money dancing, and I had a friend who suggested I give it a try. In the beginning, dancing was a very positive thing for me. It was not like the stereotypes you see on TV. Some of the women I worked with had children like me, were devoted to husbands they loved, and were in healthy relationships. Most were young women who simply like to dance and get paid to do so. They were not drug addicts. They were highly educated and simply enjoyed dancing and expressing their sexuality as I did. I worked with dancers who were nurses, mothers, students, costume designers, ex ballerinas, one girl I remember was studying her phd in physics. Of course there were some ditsy, obnoxious, airheads. But generally speaking, I felt at home amongst a bunch of very smart, very beautiful, very talented, women. They were supportive of each other. We were like a sisterhood.
There is nothing inherently degrading about dancing naked. It can be very empowering. I genuinely loved my work and while the money was great, I did not just do it for the money. If I had won the lottery, I still would have performed. The vast majority of customers were respectful, I always felt safe. For me, where the exploitation kicked in was the pressure surrounding body image. The club I worked at had what they called ‘high standards’ we were a high-end club with the best pole dancers and showgirls in the country. what this meant in reality, was like the modelling and acting industry, we were under intense pressure to be unreasonably thin and to have plastic surgery. This pressure came from management, not customers. One thing I learned as a dancer, was that men like all kinds of body types, and the thing most attractive to any man was confidence. Not your measurements.
Despite doing well initially and making good money, the pressure from management to look ‘perfect’ never ceased. The more I spoke to the women I worked with, the more I learned of the unhealthy habits it took to maintain a ‘dancers’ figure. Juice diets. Water fasting, hypergymnasia, steriods, diet pills. Surgery. I heard and saw it all. There were some women who were naturally tall and muscular who didn’t have to struggle. Though most of them ended up having surgery despite being beautiful and not needing it. Some began to look monstrous. Emaciated, or body building muscular. They all claimed to be healthy. They were not. They were sad ghosts of human beings, obsessed with perfection that would never be enough. Most I spoke to had terrible body image, and unhealthy regimes to look the way they did. In the end I had to quit. Despite the support from customers and other dancers, I could feel my self esteem eroding due to the constant pressure from management to be thinner. It was relentless. I began to struggle. I stopped looking after myself and I fell apart. I didn’t have the mental fortitude to withstand the pressure.
It is something that makes me very sad. I miss performing, I miss the beautiful costumes, I miss the amazingly talented women I was lucky enough to work with. I miss the customers, some of whom I became good friends with. And no, I never slept with one. That is not what we do. We are not hookers. I have nothing against hookers, it’s just not what we were. I met incredible people, including a lot of war vets to whom I liked to talk, because my father was a soldier. But it did cost me my self esteem in the end. I think if strip club owners can treat their staff as human beings rather than a product to be commodified, If they can encourage individuality and diversity rather than turning women into gross caricatures of barbie dolls, and strive to ensure they are treated with respect by customers, Stripping is a wonderful career to persue for women. It can be fun, empowering and joyous. But while the unrealistic ‘standards’ remain, dancers, female performers in any industry, whether it be stripping or modelling or ballet, acting, while there is this obsession with thinness, with unrealistic perfection, with silicone and spraytans, we will always be oppressed.
It’s a shame. It doesn’t have to be this way, and shouldn’t be this way. I still pole dance at home for my own enjoyment. But I will never grace the stage again. I will likely never have a healthy relationship with my body again because of the perfectionism I have developed. Something I have to try to heal though, because I don’t want to pass on my learned shame about my body to my beautiful daughter. I do not regret my time as a dancer. It taught me a lot. I regret that I live in a society where perfectionism ruins everything good. Beyonce sums it up better than I can. Pretty hurts.
I have a dual major degree from NYU. I have an excellent relationship with my parents. My name is on the lease of my apartment that I share with one other NYU graduate. During the day time I pursue my career, during the night I make the money I need to pay back NYU. I strip 4 nights a week. And I’m a feminist – who is someone who believes in equal rights / opportunities for both sexes by the way. That is the definition of feminist. Nothing else. Feminists are the people who don’t give a f*ck what you do for money because they will respect you as long as you respect yourself.
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Is it possible to start stripping at 43? My body/face look late 20s. Never had kids etc. Gone back to school and am looking for a lucrative part-time….. At school I tell my study mates that I’m 27 which no one baulks at. I’ve never been involved in the industry before.
You’ve got to be joking, riiight? Why in the world would you try and get into this sh*t at your age? Something seriously wrong with you girl!
what an absolute load of f***ing s**t. I agree with your statement but not your reasons.
I would say the psychological downfall is due to the filth you meet and interact with (amongst the nice respectable ones) in order to generate your dollars, that is scum bags, probable peopophiles- I am still traumatised by the foul slime ball who after giving me a substantial sum over a couple of weeks convinced me to go out to dinner at the end offer me an ongong payment for his time- except he would call at weird hours asking me gross sexual questions and felt the need to what I would describe as slobber all over me and thought strippers liked being groped and having guys suck on there boobs- no its the grossest part of the job and why many go to non touch clubs.. thankfully the thought of going into a hotel with him and his idea of room service so we didn’t have to leave the room constituted my idea of hell to such a degree that I decided I would rather chew off my own hand and run.
it’s emotionally draining, regular patrons often get way to attached to you, you get constant requests for “extras” which are generally gross and illegal. its a high energy environment and you have a whole different way of functioning which doesn’t apply to real life.- I can quit and go to the government for the 10th of the wage I generate if I work full time. that’s my alternative. thankfully I have an exit strategy.
appearance is part of the job, though I know many girls considered lower on the typical physically attractive appearance scale that do rather well. there is no difference on my opinion of my physique, if any thing I just became concerned at how much I wasn’t looking after my body since it become more obvious when it’s on display and get constantly reassured by guys that “i am gorgeous- I suppose its a confidence boost and motivator to look after it..
additionally bodies aren’t made to function from dusk til dawn, we are meant to be awake during the day and it is hard to readjust.
Self esteem may be good, what about trauma? How about exposing yourself (literally and figuratively!) to danger multiple hours a week? It is a dangerous world. The sound of a Harley starting up brought it all back instantly and caused me to tear up and feel fragile. The police raids. The drawn guns. The touching and no bouncer or bouncer who will deliberately look the other way. The feeling that you never know what’s gonna happen to you and then the neighbourhood you have to leave and go home in with no safe way of getting home unless you want to pay a fortune for a cab or take a “free” ride home with a customer. Some customers were exemplary. Others you gotta be kidding. The aftermath, feeling like you just crawled out of a crack in the subterranean netherworld subculture that you inhabit. The light hurts your eyes and the gaze of other “normal” people feels weird and alienating. A mix of headiness and danger that will never leave you the same in both bad and good ways.
I found this blog and I’m glad someone has started one in regards to stripping since I have been dancing for years in Miami, one of the hottest cities for the club life. I’m 24 now and stopped this year and had been dancing for 4 years. Majority of dancers are escorts, or will eventually get there. There is also very heavy pimp activity. The psychological damage has definitely been done, and I’ve had an extremely difficult time recovering and living a normal life. My boyfriend met me at a club a year ago and convinced me to go back to school. I was fortunate to have to opportunity & support to move on from that lifestyle, but reality is much much different and not nearly as glamorous or luxurious as to what I’m used to. Money is a major addiction. I physically get upset bc I don’t have the same opportunity to bring in thousands a night. Some nights I would make 5,6,9 grand. My priorities and obsessions became my looks.
These are so backwards to the way adult life should be & when girls learn this at a young age it’s so hard to change it. My boyfriend thinks I’m crazy bc I don’t find myself attractive anymore. The amount of money dancers spend on hair, nails, lashes, makeup, breast implants, butt injections, Botox, liposuction, laser surgery, tanning, clothes, shoes, bags, traveling, cars (should I keep going?) you get the picture: once you stop, you can’t maintain that lavish lifestyle.
-Now I’ve become this insecure, moody, skiddish quiet mouse since I stopped dancing about 6 months ago. I don’t see my inner beauty and I feel unsatisfied in my personal relationships. I’m in the midst of starting a career however, and will be able to achieve my goals eventually once I put in the time and hard work. So why is it I feel so bad after I stopped dancing? It just doesn’t make sense. Clearly this line of “work” does some serious damage to women but we choose to take the easy way out.
-ps: my parents are still married, I came from a great, normal family. I still talk to them, don’t have daddy issues, go home for every holiday. They are educated and so am I. I didn’t do it to “pay my college bills” (that’s just as ludicrous as believing in the Easter bunny and tooth fairy) I became addicted to the money and party lifestyle.
I am so proud of you for quitting. Unfortunately, staying away is the toughest thing. I hope you are able to find a good career to help you stop comparing your past to your present you. i have been dancing off and on for 19 years , I am 40 now. I see women in their 50s dancing still and refuse to be one of them so I started taking online classes at a respectable university. I still dance, but I despise it more and more as I get further and further into my education. I am only one third of a way through, but have cut a four year degree down to three but doubling my course load. I have completed over 40 credits of the 120 I need to graduate since January of this year, 2015. So, I believe in you and your ability to do so much better. Only you can change the way you feel about yourself. Yes, you can have a few days here and there where you make thousands, but that is not the norm, if you total the actual days you worked throughout the year with the amount you actually took home after paying for house fees, tipping floor host, valet, hair, nails, makeup, plastic surgery, etc. you will find you were actually making far less than because the money and price it pays to work in the industry is mostly an illusion. Plus, the party lifestyle will age you so rapidly, most girls look so much older and torn up after about five years of dancing and all the hair, makeup, nails, and plastic surgery in the world can’t reverse the damage to your soul. Anyway, good luck and keep up the good work!
Stripping is a good way to practice hating yourself. Although I’ve had good jobs, went to college, got a degree, lived in other countries, my Dad was an attorney and Mom a teacher, I was raised in an abusive alcoholic home, have struggled with drug abuse and alcoholism, and low self-esteem. Though you wouldn’t guess that by looking at me. I’m a good actress and keep people at a distance to hide it. I’ve been great at connecting with people on the surface, no boundaries, the illusion that everything is cool….even though it’s NOT and deep down inside you know it’s not…..but you are just numb to it and you tell yourself it’s okay, it’s normal. Cause that is how you were conditioned as a child. You are brainwashed and really confused.
I was suicidal and depressed in another state, living in poverty, financially dependent for a year on Mom, having a hard time in my life I’m 36. I come back to my “loving and supportive” family only to be rejected when I needed them most because I didn’t fit in to their appearance anymore, I was just a loser, incapable of anything, mentally ill who couldn’t get her sh*t together and they don’t want me around. I’m a bad reflection on them you know. Now, I’m back in my home state with family who thinks I’m worthless and I think I’m pretty worthless too. I’m homeless, have nobody but my cat and my car. I start stripping, I look a lot younger than I am, I’m a late bloomer to this industry…thank God. I put on a short, tight dress, some stilettos, 2 g-strings, fishnets and a lot of black eyeliner. I have an orgasm that night from a lap dance, make enough money and get a Motel 6 for me and my lucky Penny. After a month of Motel 6 I move into an apartment in a city that just legalized marijuana and the market is saturated…I feel lucky.
Fast forward almost a year, and I find myself still stripping and learning how to be independent and empowered again (I don’t think I ever was on my own…) The environment does not empower you….it brings you down into a dark abyss that looks like a bright light to suck you in and eat you up.
I absolutely hate it. I work a day and afterwards I am so drained emotionally, spiritually I am dying, and am so depressed. I don’t go back until I really am penniless and pawned all my sh*t. I take really long hot showers and use a lot of soap afterwards.
The environment is dark and evil is lurking in the corners. There was a girl who got stabbed by another girl over drama in the locker room, and management doesn’t care about the girls safety or concerns. I’ve been bullied by groups of girls who band together to harass me cause they feel threatened by anyone who might have any love for themselves…any real inside beauty, and I’m a gem on the outside too…I take their customers and they can’t stand how that makes them feel. The jealousy, the hate and cruelty has been mind blowing. I have been made stronger to know how to deal with nasty people. I know it’s really not me…
The attempted robbery and police raids, the fear of dangerous men you might have to interact with to make your money. I can’t continue to do this. It’s gonna take me down just like my family tried to do. I have to get out at all costs.
The experience has saved me but also has been fricken traumatic. I’ve looked at my demons here and tried to sort them out. I have a counselor now who is great. I am 2 years sober, eating again, feel better without my abusive family around and excited about a regular job.
I’m starting to feel I have some worth and it’s time to make a move. I want my vagina back.
All around the world same song
Dr. Stu,…. I wrote and told my story here a couple of days ago. Is there a reason why it’s not posted?
No problem, sorry just a delay in me getting to approving comments – thanks for sharing!
Dancing, stripping, prostitution…it all is very inviting. It invites exploitation and hushes the opportunity for balance over time. You can never go back from where you came, only forward. Sometimes you have to swing your pendulum far in the opposite direction to achieve a new balance of your perfectly imperfect self. Transactions while working are tangible and concrete, there’s a beginning, a middle, the end. Life outside of work is constant, fluid, messy. Of course this changes you…why wouldn’t it, but forward momentum is the grind to rekindle, replace, discover anew. I worked from 19 to 33 with a few breaks. Now, 37, married with 2 little ones, plus my teenager, and it’s rough. So I found myself here reading this article and all these posts. I’m not alone, we are not alone. I can spot my old selves a lot, but who I am now, today, I wish someone would spot me. I’m stale in the ways I used to be and growing where it now is the hardest. Trying to trust and love, trying to have unscathed intuition, just trying..I’d benefit from a group of woman I could relate with because this forward grind is challenging, exhausting, relentless and expected. There is so much recovery in order to LIVE differently, but not suppressed. Picking and choosing what to entertain as I move along my future. It requires a devoted partner and my recognition. And, I guess, this right now. My story pours out because I am molded by it…so it’s an awkward feeling, the filtering, and being around others so delicate. Maybe it will get more engaging with effort on my part building up parts of me that aren’t matured…But sometimes I think I just want to start painting with my vagina.
I run wellness retreats for women in the adult industry. They have freedom of self expression, freedom with their schedule as well as financial freedom, 3 things most people in this world only hope for. Society and male dominated social norms are the source of most of their issues. Strippers are the most wonderful and rewarding demographic I could ever have chosen to work with. They could teach the rest of society a thing or two.
Bulls**t. You don’t have a clue. You are delusional.
Most of these comments are from men who dated goid for nothing strippers who were probably sh*tty ppl before they started dancing also small town trailer trash strippers and dancers in cities like mine are different i wirk at an OK club and 75 % of the girls in my club are completing or have completed some form of higher education and have other non sex work jobs its a common thing to catch girls reading books upstairs and on the floor and with the majority of LEGAL clubs in my city its bern like that most of the girls just smoke weed the ones who do most times dont get high at work and the rules protect the girls from customers and each other if done right it can be fun and life changing but thats up to YOU AND ONLY YOU mist of ylu guys soynd like men who dated a gorl who’d never been exposed to much and went crazy which ANY sheltered girl will do put in the right environment and guys who dated naturally dishonest or drug addicted mentally ill women who had no where else to turn. Also black women intelligent well to do ones have been disenfranchised and to support a family on welfare or less than 15 an hour is impossible for a proper life. I think you’re grouping a multifaceted million dollar industry into your poor life decisions and poir ability to pick a mate
ALSO TELLIN WOMEN HOW THEY SHOULD EXPRESS THEMSELVES OR WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG TO DO EITG THEIR OWN BODY IS NOT FEMINIST OR SUPPORTIVE OF WOMEN AT ALL
im a dancer working at several clubs psych major vegetarian studying to be a doula and open up a youth program in my city pot head but not a hard drug user avid reader , spiritual and honest person in a monogamous relationship w a supportive man fory entire time dancing and before i never make less than 45 and hour so f*** your stereotypes
Also if you ever worked in food youd know tgat industry is SATURATED WITH DRUG ADDICTS AND MENTALLT ILL FOLK
I’m a mum of a gorgeous talented student, who is just 18. She’s moved out and at uni. Her friend from a few years back has become a stripper, all over the internet, big bucks, so easy. So now my daughter says she will become a stripper as she’s at uni and it will pay her way. I said, I’m paying your rent, utilitites, food, books, course everything, so what are you talking about? She says she wants some hot car, buy it or else. Seriously? And she might get a sugar daddy as she wants nice things. Where did this alien come from? I’m gutted, have no idea what is happening.
Interesting article, however I’d have to disagree. Yes, we do have to keep our bodies in tip top condition because that’s how we make our money however if anything the job makes us more confident in ourselves! Men compliment you all the time!
The REAL psychological effects are more complicated than that. It is more about social relationships, being made to look inferior by society, people pretend they don’t have a problem with it when they actually do, not being taken seriously as a human being, people asking you “but what are you going to do in 10 years time?” Or “why can’t find a real job and goals?”. There is pressure from society and it definitely grains on you and it’s depressing. People look and treat you differently when you tell them or they find out.
So, that’s my experience in the business. Hope it helped.
I would like to point out a term in the industry called stripper sadness. It is caused by many things that constantly hound the stripper. For one, many men who frequent the clubs go there to specifically degrade and humiliate the woman. Teasing her with a single dollar bill, telling her she “better work for his dollar”. To add injury to this insullt, the man will scrutinize the woman’s body, picking it apart and making her feel as if she is a slab of raw meat and not a human being. Also there is the hustle. Stripping is not easy by any means unless you are naturally inclined to dupe people out of their money by telling them what they want to hear. I for one was terrible at this. I found myself feeling ashamed of the lies and the craftiness that some of the women loved. Either way it takes something from you. Then finally how up close and personal you have to get with the men. Literally you have to stare them in the eye, look into their soul while trying to guard your own. This was another thing I found difficult. I didn’t want to have to make eye contact. That made it really real. Too real. I think a combination of these things really taxes the mind, body and soul. I believe a sort of shadow falls over these women. Don’t get me wrong, I love to dance and dance naked and be wild and free but that is where I draw the line. The dancing on stage was fun but the hustle was too much
I’m surprised that there are no comments. To really shed some light in this, have dated and married a non-stripper and dated and proposed to a stripper, the only difference is a stripper is willing to show her beautiful body but is afraid of a stable relationship. The non-stripper is not willing to show her body but will give everything for a true relationship. Then here is the biggest oxymoron. In a divorce with the non-stripper, the guy has to pay the extra money to the ex-spouse. With a stripper, the guy needs to pay in order to stay in the relationships.
I was a dancer from the age 21-25. I was a homeless teen at 16, I was trying to manage living from my car and friends houses and maintains a office job. It was stressful and the job market around 2008 took a huge hit as we all know. I started dancing and I made so much money. It was fine until a few years in when more prostitution started becoming a normal thing. The girls were on drugs and doing extras for such s low amount of money I couldn’t compete. Around 2012 I really couldn’t take the pressures that the management put on me to pay to work there and force me to work a minimum of three days. As a independent contractor that pays to work you shouldn’t be having that conversation. I would complain about the men soliciting me for sex and the management would do nothing. It took such a toll on me mentally and emotionally, the money was harder to make. Eventually I just left. It’s been 5 years. I often think “I should just go dance a few days” but then I remember how horrible it is. My stomach will start to hurt and I get anxiety if I try to go to get a job now. If I stay away I am fine, but people that know about my past rub it in my face a lot and treat me badly even though it’s been years. It is other people that treat me so bad that ultimately makes me depressed and want to give up.
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